Schisms
by Sarah LoTuS
Summary: AU fic. What if Kara never served on the Galactica before the attacks? What if Lee made a mistake he couldn't fix? Maybe some things break for a reason. WIP. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: I think it's time to finally let this one out to be seen. Thanks go to Sonni for the beta – the head of the department of redundancy department thanks you for improving her efficiency. Love ya babe!**_

~ * ~

**Schisms**

~ * ~

'_Kara Thrace is aboard the Rising Star.'_

His father's words still echoed in his ears. Lee hadn't seen Kara for years, and their last meeting was burned into his brain for all the things that had been said, and not said. Days afterward, Kara had resigned from the military and none of the Adamas had heard a word from her since.

He'd regretted that day so many times since then, but had long reconciled himself to the fact there would be no second chances. Still, the thought of her being out there, _somewhere_, had sustained him until the day the Colonies fell. Billions had died that day, including many friends and colleagues, but Lee had had thoughts only for two: his mother, and _Kara_. Because now he could never _ever_ make things right.

Today, he'd found out he was wrong, and he'd never been more glad. He felt like he was getting that second chance at last—never mind that she probably wouldn't even give him time to say her name before she slammed the proverbial door in his face.

~ * ~

_Two hours ago:_

_Lee poked his head into the open hatch of the commander's quarters. Although he no longer felt at odds with his father, all he really wanted to be doing right now was lying in his bunk and trying not to think about the 13 pilots they had lost—not to mention the painful memories the funeral had evoked of his younger brother Zak._

"_Lee, come in and sit down, please." Adama poured two glasses of ambrosia, handed one over and sat down heavily in the chair opposite his son. He drank the contents of his glass in three long swallows before speaking. "I'll get straight to the point. Kara Thrace is aboard the Rising Star."_

_Lee felt his mouth fall open. Whatever he'd been expecting to hear, this wasn't it. "Kara's alive?" _

_Bill nodded. "She's been working as a shuttle pilot. Her name turned up when I was searching the fleet registry for a flight instructor."_

_Lee thought about Zak and the last conversation he'd had with Kara and suddenly the ambrosia he was drinking wanted out of his stomach. _

_His father didn't seem to notice his anguish. "We need more pilots, and you know as well as I do that she's the best. Even more, we need to train new pilots. I want you to take a raptor over there and bring her back with you." _

_Lee found his voice at last. "Just like that? I don't think it will be that easy, Dad."_

_Bill fixed his gaze on his son and Lee felt ten years old again. "Persuade her. The two of you used to be friends."_

_Lee laughed, bitterly. They'd__** never **__been friends. "Not anymore. In fact, I'm probably the last person she'll want to see. You should really send someone else."_

_His father regarded him carefully for a moment. _Don't ask_, Lee begged silently. _Please_. "You're going to have to work together, so whatever issues you have between you, solve them. That's an order, Captain."_

~ * ~

The hatch opened, and there she was. Her hair was a little longer, but otherwise she'd changed little since their last meeting.

"Kara," he managed to say, mouth suddenly dry. She stared at him without saying a word and the air was so thick with history that for a moment he couldn't breathe, and wondered if she felt the same. He braced himself for an argument, a punch, or a face full of closed hatch, but none of these things happened. Instead, the silence stretched until finally she took a step to the side and motioned for him to enter.

Kara waved him to the couch, then poured herself a drink and settled in the chair opposite. She didn't offer him a drink, but stared at him fixedly over the rim of her own glass as she sipped.

He cleared his throat. "Nice place you have here." He glanced about him. The Rising Star was a luxury liner, and while her quarters weren't nearly as opulent as those of the passengers, they weren't bad at all. There was a coffee table and a small couch, and a door to his left he assumed led to the sleeping area.

"Thank you," she replied. Her tone was cool, and she clearly didn't intend to make this easy for him. He'd expected her to verbally eviscerate him and then shove him unceremoniously back through the door he came in; the fact that she hadn't yet done so had him strangely unnerved. He wanted to touch her so badly it felt like an ache, and he would have given his right arm to know what she was thinking.

"So, how long has it been?" he asked, trying to work up to something more substantial.

"Six years." Still not offering him any encouragement to continue.

He steeled himself and pressed on. "Feels like longer," he said, then bit his tongue. He knew he couldn't tell her how much he'd missed her. Then she really would shove him out the door—or an airlock, more likely.

"And I was going to say it seemed like just a couple of weeks," she countered. _I haven't forgiven you_ hung in the air as if she'd said it out loud.

"Dad was pretty broken up when you disappeared." He didn't tell her the rest, didn't say how her leaving had torn a hole in his life. He knew he had no right to complain about that.

She looked guilty for a moment, but covered it with anger. "Really? And how would you know that when you refused to even speak to him?"

Lee tightened his jaw. She knew very well why he'd not been on good terms with his father back then. "I'm speaking to him now."

"I guess when the world ends all your petty squabbles seem pointless," she mocked.

'_Including ours?' _he wanted to ask, but he already knew the answer. "He looked for you, you know."

"Bet you didn't," she shot back.

"I did," he insisted. "You obviously didn't want to be found."

"Not by you, no," she admitted coolly, then tossed back the rest of her drink and sat back. "Not that it hasn't been _fun_ reminiscing and all, but why are you here, Lee?"

He sighed. Better get it over with then, so she could throw him out and he could return to his father and honestly say he'd tried. "The commander was hoping you would join Galactica's air group. We desperately need some more pilots. And…"

She raised an eyebrow, "And?"

"I thought you were dead. I wanted to see you." Frak. He hadn't meant to admit that.

She laughed derisively, "Right."

He sighed. This was going nowhere. He was about to stand up and leave just as there was another knock on her door.

If he hadn't been so attuned to her still, he might have missed it—she stiffened slightly, and her eyes flickered away from his. Just as quickly, she collected herself and went to answer the door without a word, leaving him sitting on the couch by himself.

"Hey kid, did you have a good day at school?" Lee heard her ask. He blinked. Kid? _School?_ He felt his pulse begin to pound in his chest and only just caught the end of her next sentence. "…thanks for bringing him. I'll see you tomorrow."

He turned in his seat until he could see the hatch as she closed it. There was now another blond head standing beside Kara, at waist height.

The boy's eyes met Lee's, and a frown crossed his face. He was obviously wondering who this stranger was who was sitting on his mother's couch—because he was clearly Kara's child; his golden head and generous mouth were pure Kara, and so was the little crease above his nose. The eyes, however, were a familiar shade of blue, and there was a distinctly _Adama_ set to his jaw.

She must have told the child to wait in his room, but he couldn't hear a word over the blood rushing in his ears. The boy (his _son_, and he had _no right_ to be surprised at this) disappeared behind the interior door, and Kara turned her attention back to him. She stared at him defiantly for several long moments. "As you can see, I have other priorities now," she finally said.

Lee managed to speak with some difficulty. "Kara—"

"What, you didn't think I could do it on my own, Adama?" she challenged him.

"I've never doubted you could do anything you put your mind to, _Thrace_," he shot back, and then admitted, "I just didn't think you would." He couldn't stop staring at the door _the boy_ had gone through. He had a thousand questions, but asking any of them would be pushing his luck just that bit too far.

"His name is Sebastian," she told him softly, and when his eyes flicked back to hers, she looked as vulnerable as when she first told him about the baby.

"After your Dad."

Somehow his words broke the moment and Kara's eyes narrowed. She was building up the walls again. "I think you should go now." It was clearly all she was going to offer him.

Lee took his cue and followed her to the hatch, but turned before she closed the door. He searched desperately for something to say, not wanting to leave it like this. "I'm glad you went through with it," he admitted.

It was entirely the wrong thing to say. "I didn't do it for _you," _she hissed, presumably keeping her voice low so that _their son_ didn't hear through the door. "We're done here, okay Lee? You made your position clear six years ago. We don't need you, and you can tell _Commander_ Adama that I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in reactivating my commission. And _please_, don't forget to tell him _why_."

This time, the hatch was shut firmly in his face.

~ * ~

_Six Years Earlier:_

_Today was the day Lee would tell her he was leaving. He had put it off for too long already, knowing it would hurt her deeply, but not knowing what else to do. _

_They could not go on as they were._

_When he opened the door to his apartment, she smiled at him, the first genuine smile he'd seen in months. He couldn't stop his hand from reaching out to caress her cheek, and she stepped into his embrace, tilting her face up to his._

"_Kara," he breathed, and despite his trepidation at what he had to do, her kiss filled him with warmth and he succumbed to her mouth for several long minutes. Finally pulling away and resting his forehead against hers, he told her, "We need to talk."_

_She nodded, biting her lip._

_He cast about, looking for somewhere to start. There was no easy way to do it, though. _

_Just tell her._

"_Kara, I applied for a transfer to the Atlantia air group. And it was approved."_

_She bit her lip, searching his face for something only she could see. "I've heard about it. They're going on a deep space mission, aren't they?"_

_He nodded. "Yeah."_

"_How long?"_

"_How long until I leave, or how long will I be gone?"_

"_Either. Both." She wasn't taking it well. Frak._

"_I have to report in two weeks. As for how long, I'm not sure. Depends what we find, but up to a year."_

"_Why?" Her voice was too calm now, and he knew things were about to get ugly._

_Bite the bullet, Lee. "Because I think… that maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while."_

_She pulled back from him, the hurt apparent on her face and he hurried to explain. "I'm not…" he forced himself to slow down, take a breath. "This isn't goodbye, Kara. Just for a little while, OK? It's too soon after…" He swallowed the lump in his throat and had to force himself to continue. "I don't want anyone to think you didn't love him. And I want you to be sure you want__** me**__. In six months maybe, or a year…" _

_He wanted to tell her he loved her, but it still felt like a betrayal of his brother, so instead he reached for her hand. She shrank back from him, the tears in her eyes fiercely reined in. _

_Then she dropped her own bombshell. "Lee, I'm pregnant."_

_He froze. His chest constricted and his lungs tried to draw air, but there wasn't any to be had. This could not be happening._

"_Are... are you sure?" he finally managed._

_She nodded. "Yeah. I got tested." She was biting her lip and staring at him, waiting for him to figure out how to make this all right, but he had nothing. This was all wrong. "Say something, Lee," she whispered._

"_Kara, we can't," he blurted before he could stop himself. "What would people say? Zak's only been gone four months!"_

_She looked like he'd punched her in the gut. "It's a little late to think about that now, don't you think? This is happening, and we can't take it back." _

_He noted how her hand covered her stomach as she took a step back from him. Gods, she really meant it. He felt suddenly terrified. A baby? He couldn't be a father, he had no idea how. His own father had hardly been a good role model, and he couldn't bear to think of his own child growing up resenting him. Or worse, getting himself killed trying to live up to impossible expectations. _

_He started to shake his head and found he couldn't stop. "I can't. I'm not ready. Not now, maybe not ever."_

_He thought she would start to cry now, but instead she pushed her shoulders back and spat bile at him. "What, so it's okay to frak a few times, but anything deeper is betraying Zak's memory?"_

_If he'd been thinking straight he would have realised this was Kara trying desperately not to fall apart, but he wasn't and he didn't. "Kara, that's not what I said. I do care about you, but we just need some space."_

_She seemed to calm then, and he foolishly thought she was seeing reason. "Space. Okay, Lee, you can have your space. I just thought—" she choked the rest of the sentence off with a sob, then took a deep breath and collected herself. "Never mind, Lee. I'll take care of it."_

_He tried to put his arms around her then, but she backed away. He supposed he deserved that. "I think it's best if I just go. Have a nice life, Lee." And she walked out of his flat with her head held high._

_When he tried to call her a few days later, he found that she'd disconnected her phone and cancelled the lease on her flat. _

_She'd also left no forwarding address._

_~ * ~_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: My humblest apologies if anyone scrambled over here thinking this was a new chapter; it isn't (I don't know if FFN sends out alerts for reuploads or not.) It _is_ revised quite a bit, though, so it wouldn't hurt to reread it. A thousand thanks to Uberscribbler, Cliosmuse and Tracyj23 who betaread this for me!**

**Oh, and I am also really sorry to have taken so long updating... I've been a bit blocked. Chapter 3 is in beta now though, so you should hopefully get to see it very soon. :) The other good news is that I have quite a bit of chapter four done, so I am hoping you won't have to wait too long for that!**

~ * ~

**Chapter Two**

~ * ~

Kara rested her forehead against the hatch and tried to remember how to breathe. So Lee was alive, and now he knew everything.

When the Cylons had attacked and destroyed the Twelve Colonies, Kara had been more than relieved to know Bill Adama was in charge of the survivors. One of her biggest regrets was not telling him she was leaving. Truth was, she'd known he would be able to talk her out of it—and she couldn't bear to disappoint him by telling him the truth.

Immediately after the attacks, she'd thought about going to see him and letting him know she was alive. The 'Old Man' deserved to know he had a grandson, especially after losing both his sons.

She hadn't known Lee had survived.

When she'd thought he was dead, she hadn't known how to feel. She'd tried to hate him for his abandonment, but had given it up as futile. She couldn't hate him when she saw him in Sebastian every day. She'd often wondered whether Lee ever thought about his potential child, but now she had no doubt he'd successfully managed to put the whole situation out of his mind. Same old Lee.

She would bet her last cigar he wouldn't tell the old man the whole truth.

~ * ~

Later that evening, curled up on her lap as they watched the news broadcast, Seb finally got around to asking her about Lee.

"Mom, who was that man who was here earlier?"

And there it was. Not exactly how she'd expected the question of Lee to come up, but then she'd never thought Seb would actually get to meet his father. She smoothed her fingers through his hair as she debated what to tell him. "Someone I used to know before the end of the worlds," she said finally.

"I've never seen him before." He seemed to sense she was holding something back.

"The last time I saw him was before you were born." Not the whole truth, by any means, but it was certainly enough for now.

"Oh." He accepted that, brow creased in thought. "Why was he here?"

"Nosy today, aren't you?" she teased. "He's a pilot on the Galactica. Wanted me to go and teach people to fly vipers and help fight the Cylons."

"And you said no? Why?"

"Well, we'd have to move to Galactica for starters. What about school?"

"I'll join the fleet," he decided. "You can teach me; I wanna fly vipers like you did."

She shivered and tightened her arms around him protectively, thinking of Zak. "Not on your life, kiddo."

"Aww Mom, please?" He twisted in her lap so that he could flash her the baby blues. _Darn_, she thought. _Five years old and already he knows how to manipulate me._

"You're much too young," she chastised.

"When I'm older then?" _And Lee's dogged persistence, too._

"We'll see."

"We'll see means no." _And there's the pout._

"We'll see means we'll see," she finished firmly. "Now, bedtime. You've got school in the morning."

The pout became even more pronounced, if it was possible, but he dutifully stood up and started towards the bedroom.

"Hey," she called him back. "Kiss?"

Without hesitation he came trotting back to her and kissed her cheek. "G'night Mom."

"Night, baby. Sweet dreams."

~ * ~

_**Six Years Earlier:**_

_As the gods would have it, the day Bill Adama showed up on the doorstep of Kara's apartment on Caprica was the same day she discovered she was pregnant._

_He was precisely the last person she expected to see._

"_Kara," he greeted her, his expression unreadable._

_She hadn't seen him since she'd confessed her misconduct with regard to Zak's final test. She'd seen how hurt he was by Lee's anger and had wanted nothing more than to mend the rift between them. Lee had forgiven her and she had dared to think his father might too, but instead she had made things worse—Bill refused to see her, and Lee now hated his father on __**her**__ behalf as well as Zak's. If the results hadn't been so disastrous, she would almost have been proud of such a monumental frak-up._

_She bit her lip, unsure of what to expect from this meeting. "Sir," she acknowledged, keeping her tone even._

"_May I come in?" he asked her carefully._

_She nodded and stood aside to let him pass. "Would you like a drink, sir?" she asked, motioning him to the couch as she stepped into the kitchenette._

"_Yes, thank you."_

_She couldn't drink until she decided what to do about the baby, and the nausea she was still feeling made it inadvisable anyway. However, if she didn't drink with him he would wonder why, so she also poured a glass of water for herself. Stepping back into the living area, she handed over his glass and took the seat opposite. There was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes as Kara cradled her drink and avoided making eye contact._

"_Have you thought about what you'll do when your leave runs out?" he asked, finally._

_She took a gulp from her glass and lied. "Not really." She'd done nothing __**but**__ think about it since she'd found out about the baby. _

"_I'd like to offer you a position on my ship."_

_She had to replay the words in her head a few times before she could comprehend them. "You want __**me**__ in your air group?" she asked, blinking._

"_I need someone to give my birds a proper workout," he joked. "And you need to get back in the cockpit." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm sorry about what I said," he admitted. "You never meant for things to turn out the way they did."_

_She didn't know what to say to that. She looked away, throat suddenly tight and she wished it __**was**__ ambrosia in her glass. She swallowed some anyway and managed to reply, "I'll think about it."_

_His eyes were sad and understanding, "That's all I can ask, Kara." He drained the rest of his glass and stood up. She did likewise, and stiffened as he took hold of her shoulders and pulled her into an awkward embrace. After a moment, she hugged him back, accepting the forgiveness he offered._

_When he found out about the baby, he might not forgive her at all._

_Two hours later, Lee called to say he had something to tell her, so she pulled on her jacket and headed over there._

_She had something to tell him, too._

_~ * ~_

The normal morning chaos of getting Seb up and ready for school was interrupted by yet another visitor knocking on Kara's hatch. She hoped it wasn't Lee returning on some misguided mission to make amends.

"Go get your schoolbag, kiddo," she ordered, figuring the more evidence that they were _just on the way out_ the better for getting rid of unwanted visitors. Kara opened the hatch with a due sense of dread, but it wasn't Lee who stood there.

Kara froze in surprise, though in hindsight she really should have expected this visit. "Sir?" she asked, suddenly not so sure that Lee _hadn't_ come clean with the old man.

"Kara." He drew out her name and the sadness in his smile made it difficult for her to swallow. He didn't seem angry at all. Frak. Anger she could deal with. Anger she was used to.

She saw his gaze shift and knew that Seb had appeared beside her.

She took a deep breath, "This is Sebastian." Kara realised she was holding her son in front of her like a shield and let her hands drop from his shoulders. He didn't seem to notice. Bill Adama smiled engagingly at Seb, but there was no particular recognition in his eyes, and Kara concluded that Lee hadn't told him after all. She wasn't sure if she was glad or sorry.

"Are you Commander Adama?" Seb asked, and Kara blinked in surprise.

"How did you know that?" she asked him.

Her son shrugged. "Well he's wearing the same uniform that man yesterday was wearing. And I saw him on the news broadcasts saying that we were going to Earth."

"_That man yesterday_ was my son, Lee," the old man interjected.

"Really? Mom, you never said he was the commander's son." Sebastian turned back to his mother, frowning reproachfully.

If she hadn't been so unnerved by the whole exchange, Kara might have laughed. "It must have slipped my mind," she apologised.

Mollified, Seb returned his attention to his grandfather. "So are you gonna _order_ Mom to come and fly vipers for you?" He was clearly impressed that the Commander of the Fleet was visiting them personally.

"Given your Mom's habit of disobeying orders when it suits her, I don't think that would be the best course of action," the old man joked. Seb looked affronted that anyone would accuse his mother of being insubordinate, even the commander.

"Seb," Kara cut her son off before he could leap to her defence, "Did you put your toys away?"

Sebastian gulped. "Um, no. But I'll do it right now!" and he darted back into his bedroom.

The old man laughed at the boy's antics. "He's definitely your son, Kara."

Kara snorted. "Yeah, _that_ I'm sure of. Though he's definitely not the only boy his age who thinks vipers are the best thing ever."

"Lee was exactly the same. Zak too, but then he always did everything Lee did." He seemed to notice her pained look, and his smile faded. "You were on your way out," he apologised.

"Yeah, I just have to take him to school." She bit her lip. "If you can wait about ten minutes we can talk when I get back, sir?"

Bill Adama nodded. "I can do that, Kara. I have some time today."

Biting her lip, she gestured towards the same chair Lee had perched on yesterday in all his deserved discomfort. "There's a bottle of ambrosia and some glasses in the cabinet," she told him, "Help yourself." She turned to Seb, who had just returned, schoolbag in hand. "Time to go, kiddo."

To her surprise, Sebastian gave the commander a salute and a grin. "It was nice to meet you, sir," he said politely.

"Oh, the pleasure was all mine, Sebastian," the old man replied, chuckling.

"I'll be right back, sir," Kara promised, and hustled her son towards the hatch.

~ * ~

When Kara returned, she found the commander still on his feet, studying the row of photo frames in her lounge area with a half full glass of ambrosia in his hand. When he heard the hatch clang shut he turned to her and smiled.

"I was just trying to get caught up on what I missed," he admitted, indicating the pictures—most of which featured a grinning Seb. "He's a fine boy. You must be proud of him, Kara."

"I am, sir," she replied, maternal pride momentarily winning out over apprehension.

There was a second glass of ambrosia on the table, and he handed it to her. "I had a feeling you might be needing one for yourself."

"Thanks," she told him, and took the seat opposite him.

He didn't speak for a few moments, merely sat back in his chair and regarded her carefully. Kara wondered if he too was feeling the echoes of their last conversation.

"I seem to remember asking you to serve on my ship once before, Kara," he said finally. "At least this time you actually gave me an answer."

"I'm sorry, sir." The liquid in her mouth seemed to stick in her throat when she swallowed. "I was pretty messed up back then."

His eyes narrowed a little and she bit her lip in anticipation of his next question.

"How old is your boy?"

"Five years and four months," she confessed, unable to meet his eyes.

"That's why you left?" he asked.

The sympathetic tone of his voice led her to dare a glance at his face. His eyes held regret, but not the accusation she'd been expecting. "Yeah," she admitted.

"I would have helped you, Kara."

"He's not Zak's." The words came out before she could stop them.

"I know," he assured her. "I won't lie to you. Part of me is disappointed, and I understand why you didn't feel you could confide in me. But I want you to know that I wouldn't have turned you away."

She wanted to tell him the truth then and there and damn the consequences to Lee, but then she remembered something he'd said yesterday: 'I'm talking to him now.' She couldn't do it. Knowing what Lee had done would drive another wedge between him and his father, and she couldn't be responsible for that. Not again.

She would keep her secret.

Time to change the subject. "So you understand why I can't come and fly vipers for you," she said.

He sighed, and drained the rest of his glass. "The truth is, I really do need you, Kara. Maybe you heard on the broadcast news about the accident. We lost thirteen pilots. Three more are alive, but they won't fly again. Another four are in sickbay for the foreseeable future. We're sitting ducks until we can get our squadron numbers up."

She shook her head. "I don't think I could teach again, not after Zak."

"You made a mistake. It doesn't change the fact that you are a good teacher and a great pilot," he insisted.

"There's almost fifty thousand people out there," she protested. "You're trying to tell me there's not _one_ flight instructor?"

"There's two, besides you," he admitted. "Civilians, both. I need someone to teach vipers and combat tactics. "

"What about my son?" she asked.

"I'll arrange quarters for you both. I know he goes to school here, but there are daily shuttle runs and I can assign a marine to escort him if need be." He paused, and fixed her with a look that allowed for no argument. "I need new pilots, and I need you to train them."

Kara sighed. She'd known this moment was inevitable as soon as she'd found him on her doorstep. After all she'd taken from Bill Adama, she couldn't refuse him a single thing. And, she rationalised, even if she couldn't tell them the truth, he and Seb would get the chance to know one another.

She took a deep breath, and let it out again. "I can do that," she agreed softly.

~ * ~

**Next chapter: Sebastian and Kara 'move house', and everyone tries to figure out where they stand.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Here it is, finally! I apologise for how ridiculously long this took. In my defense though, it's about 1000 words longer than the last two... it just kept growing!**

**A thousand thanks to Uberscribbler, Cliosmuse and Tracyj23 who betaread this for me, as well as the ficfinishing community on livejournal which enabled me to finally get this DONE. (Seriously, anyone who can't get their fic moving should sign up... it's great!) Special thanks also to jule1122 and ppyajunebug who were my first readers and encouraged this along. I've signed up chapter 4 for the next round, so hopefully you won't have to wait so long this time...**

~ * ~

**Chapter Three**

~ * ~

When Sebastian Thrace arrived home from school that afternoon, _**everything**_ had changed.

There were open boxes strewn about the living room floor, and his mom's pictures had been taken down from the walls. Some of the photo albums were laid open on the table, and Mama was pulling books off the shelves and putting them into boxes.

And she'd cut her hair. It was shorter than he'd ever seen it—just tickling the tops of her ears.

Seb frowned to himself. "Why are you packing stuff up, Mom?" he asked.

Kara continued to empty the shelves. "Go put your bag in your room and come sit with me, kiddo. We need to have a talk."

With a sense of foreboding, Seb did as he was told. When he returned, she had settled on the couch, so he made himself comfortable on her lap.

She fussed over him a moment without speaking; tucking his hair behind his ear and wiping a smudge of dirt from his chin with her thumb.

"How come you cut your hair?" he asked, just to break the silence.

"I felt like a change."

Seb frowned. She wasn't making much sense. "How come?" he asked again.

Kara got a funny look on her face, then. "You know how the commander came to visit us this morning?" she asked.

He nodded. "I liked him, Mama. He was nice."

She smiled a little at that, but quickly cleared her throat and looked serious again. "Yesterday you told me you would like it if we went to live on the Galactica. Did you mean that?" she asked.

Was that the reason for all the boxes? Sebastian really did want to go, but his mom had been so against it. "Please?"

"I guess it's a good thing I told the commander yes, then," she admitted.

"Really?" he asked in disbelief.

"Really," she confirmed.

"How come you changed your mind?" he asked, suddenly wondering. "_Did_ Commander Adama order you?" Maybe that was why she was acting strange—he knew his mom didn't like to be ordered to do anything.

Absently, she tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "He didn't order me," she admitted. She seemed to be looking _at_ him and _past_ him at the same time. "I owed him too much to say no."

"What did you owe him, Mom?" he asked, frowning.

She looked away then, and suddenly Seb thought she might cry. "Never you mind," she said softly.

He shut his mouth then, sorry that he'd made her sad. "I think your hair looks really pretty, Mama," he offered.

She smiled at him then, and it made him feel good to see her smile at him that way. "Can I go pack?"

"If you like."

Sebastian whooped in triumph, vaulted off his mother's lap and scurried into the bedroom. He dragged his suitcase from under his bed and started haphazardly throwing toys and clothes into it.

It wasn't that he didn't like living on the Star; he could barely remember living anywhere else. He'd been three when his mom had decided he was old enough to be away from her during the day, and she could go back to flying.

He knew that she loved flying, and although she never encouraged him, his dearest wish was to be a pilot someday, too. He'd have to grow up some before that was possible, but on the Galactica he could talk to other pilots and maybe, if he was lucky, get to sit in a real viper.

"Hey, take it easy kid! You'll never fit them all in like that," his mother chided, appearing at the door. "Besides, we're not leaving until tomorrow; I know you'll want your bear to sleep with tonight."

Seb frowned at the mess he'd made, and Kara laughed. "Tip it out, and I'll show you how to fold things so they fit better," she told him.

~ * ~

When he arrived back at his quarters after school the next day, Seb found his mother had finished packing the rest of their belongings into boxes.

"Raptor leaves at 1630, kiddo," she told him as he waved goodbye to Tommy, whose mom had brought him home. "Run and check your room; make sure we didn't forget anything."

He did as she asked, carefully checking under the bed and in the bathroom cupboards. He did find a half-used bar of soap, but decided it wasn't something they needed, so he left it there. His suitcase was packed, and he hauled it into the living area. "All done, Mama," he announced.

They left the boxes and suitcases where they were; they would be delivered to the Galactica later. Seb had a rucksack packed with Bear, a change of clothes and a few essentials. He threaded his arms between the straps as his mother slung her duffle over her shoulder, and they were on their way.

Sebastian was over the moon at the prospect of living on a real live battlestar. At school that day he'd announced to all and sundry that he'd met Commander Adama himself, and that he was going to live on the Galactica with him, until his teacher threatened to make him sit at the front by himself if he didn't stop chatting and get his work done.

He chattered nonstop all the way down to the hangar deck, and jiggled excitedly the whole raptor ride over, despite his mother's admonitions that his restlessness would throw the pilot off course. (He knew very well that his weight was much too small to have that effect, and so did his mom; so he figured she was probably just teasing him.)

He saluted everyone he met, from the deckhand who helped them with their bags, to the raptor pilot and his co-pilot too.

"C'mon, kid," Kara said as they landed. "Grab your bag and give me your hand."

Obediently, Sebastian slung his rucksack over his shoulder and took his mother's hand as the raptor's hydraulic seal was released and the door drifted open.

Seb looked about him, awestruck. He knew that Galactica's hangar would be much bigger than the Star's shuttle bay, but he had no idea it would be so _busy_. Men and women in orange overalls marched back and forth. There were several vipers off to his left being repaired, and to the right, two pilots were closing their canopies and preparing to launch their birds.

There were two people waiting to greet them. Seb spotted the Commander first and saluted him. So did his mom. Bill Adama grinned and saluted them back.

"It's good to see you, Kara," he said and then gave Sebastian a wink. "What do you think of my ship, son?"

He thought for a moment. "It's bigger than the Rising Star, but not as colourful. And there's more people."

The old man chuckled. "I'll see about a tour later. Maybe Lee can take you?"

Sebastian followed the commander's gaze to the man beside him, and realised that he was the same one who had visited them the day before. His mother's grip tightened on his hand as she evidently recognised him too, and she pulled him a little closer to her.

"Captain," she greeted him, and Sebastian frowned at the tone of her voice – she sounded unhappy. He glanced up at her face and saw that she was glaring openly at the Captain.

"Hello, Kara," he replied, ignoring her stare. "It's good to meet you, Sebastian," he added. Something about him made Seb feel uncomfortable, as if he was being closely examined. Captain Adama didn't look angry like Mama, but he didn't look happy, either.

Not sure how he was expected to respond, Sebastian saluted the Captain and politely replied, "It's good to meet you too, sir."

It seemed to be the wrong response, because Captain Adama immediately frowned and looked away. "You're not in the fleet, kid. No need to salute me," he said gruffly.

Seb dropped his arm, feeling crestfallen. He'd only been trying to show he was a good soldier, but unlike his father the commander, Captain Adama didn't seem to appreciate the gesture.

Commander Adama cleared his throat, then. "You should get settled in as soon as possible, Kara," he said. "Lee will show you to quarters."

"Thank you, sir," his mom replied, and she saluted the Commander again. The commander returned her salute, twinkled at Seb, and left them with the uncomfortable-looking Captain Adama.

The captain cleared his throat. "This way."

Kara waited until he was a few paces ahead of them before she followed, keeping hold of Seb's hand.

Seb studied the captain's back as they walked. Kara clearly didn't like him in the least, but Seb couldn't imagine why not—he hadn't been anything but polite to them. It was somewhat of a mystery, and he couldn't help but be curious.

Mama didn't say a word, and neither did the captain, until they arrived. "They're not as big as your quarters on the Star," he told them, "But I think you'll find them adequate." He looked down at Seb then. "You won't have your own room, kid, but there's a bit of privacy."

He seemed to be trying to be friendly, but Kara was having none of that. She let go of her son's hand. "Seb, why don't you go and put your bag down, and have a look around?" She opened the hatch for him, and after he'd gone through it she pushed it almost shut, clearly staying outside to say something to the commander's son.

Curious, he stood near the gap and listened.

"What are you playing at, Lee?" his mother asked.

"I can't talk to him?" the captain asked in disbelief.

"Keep your voice down!" she hissed. "No, you can't. You'll confuse him."

"Kara, he's—" Seb heard, before his mother interrupted.

"Don't, Lee. Just frakking don't, OK?" she hissed at him.

There was a pause, and then, "You're expected in the CAG's office at 1800 hours, _Lieutenant_. Don't be late."

Seb quickly moved away from the door so he wouldn't be caught listening. It was a good thing he did, because when Kara pulled the hatch open a few seconds later, she looked absolutely furious.

~ * ~

_**Six weeks ago**_

"_Mom, how come I don't have a dad?" Seb asked. It was a question that had been bothering him for some time, but he'd never quite dared to ask it before._

_The look on his mother's face made him wish he hadn't asked. Kara sat down heavily on the couch, and patted the seat beside her. Seb quickly scrambled over to her. She slung an arm around him, and he laid his head on her shoulder._

"_You know your friends don't all have both their parents living with them?" she asked, looking serious._

_He nodded. "Yeah, Tommy lives with just his mom. But he used to have a dad, he told me."_

_She studied his face for a moment, looking sad, and then she smoothed her fingers through his hair. "You did have a dad," she told him softly. "But he died."_

_He had feared as much. Tommy's dad had been on the colonies when the Cylons came and Seb knew that almost all the humans there were had died that day. "Did the Cylons kill him?" he asked. When he got big enough, he was going to learn to fly a viper and blow all of the Cylons out of the sky._

"_I don't know exactly." She looked away from him for a moment, staring off into the distance. Then she pulled him close and hugged him tight. "But knowing him, he got shot down trying to be a frakking hero."_

_Sebastian snuggled close to his mother, turning over this new information in his mind. "I wish I got to meet him," he murmured._

_Kara kissed his hair. "Me too, kiddo."_

~ * ~

The pilots' rec room was a friendly looking place. There were several tables lined up neatly, about which several pilots lounged. Some were eating, others chatting, and at two of the tables, there were card games. The buzz of conversation remained unchanged when they walked in, and only one or two of the pilots even looked up.

Seb noticed a boy, a few years older than he, sitting next to a dark haired lady at one of the card tables.

"Boomer!" his mother exclaimed.

The dark haired lady looked up. "Starbuck," she smiled. "Long time no see."

"I didn't know you were here," Kara replied. "You still blaming all your spooched landings on a bad gimbal?" she teased.

Boomer raised an eyebrow. "Hey, it's a fundamental design flaw of the raptor. Not my fault the Cylons blew up the colonies before they got around to fixing it."

"Uh huh." Seb recognised his mother's skeptical tone. "It always seemed to me your botched landings had more to do with whoever was waiting for you on the deck than with any gimbal. Got your eye on somebody down there?"

Boomer looked flustered and quickly changed the subject. "I transferred to the big G, oh, two years ago now. Maybe you would have known if you'd bothered to stay in touch, Starbuck," she scolded.

Kara shrugged, "I dropped off of everybody's dradis for a while," she said. "Things changed."

Boomer looked down at Seb and raised an eyebrow. "I can see that," she laughed. "Never saw you as a mother, Starbuck."

Seb frowned up at his mom as she ruffled his hair. "Me neither," she admitted. "But we get by, don't we, kiddo?"

"Hey Boomer," one of the other pilots at the table called. "You in or out?"

Boomer looked at the boy next to her, who shook his head. "Out," she said, tossing her cards on the table and standing.

"Who's your protégé?" Kara asked, nodding at the boy.

The boy gave them a wolfish grin. "Andrew Boxman, at your service, ma'am. But everyone calls me Boxey."

Kara laughed. "Nice to meet you Boxey – you can call me Starbuck." She turned back to Boomer. "I gotta report to the CAG, but how about we catch up later?"

"Sure thing," Boomer smiled.

"C'mon kid, let's go."

"Actually, I can keep an eye on him for a few minutes, if you like," Boomer offered. "I'm sure Boxey here would enjoy having someone closer to his own age to talk to."

"What do you think, kid?" his mom asked him. Seb nodded, eager to make a new friend, so she ruffled his hair again and left him with Boomer and Boxey.

"What's your name, then?" Boxey asked him.

"Sebastian Lee Thrace," he announced proudly.

Boomer looked surprised. "Lee?" she asked, looking at him strangely for a moment. "Your middle name is Lee?"

Seb nodded. "People just call me Seb though."

"C'mon Seb, I'll show you around," Boxey offered.

Seb looked to Boomer for permission, and she nodded. "Just don't go where I can't see you," she told them, before sitting back down to her card game.

~ * ~

Boxey was several years older than Seb, and Seb thought he seemed very worldly. Boomer talked to him like a grownup, and seemed to trust him to be on his own. "Is Boomer your mom?" he asked Boxey curiously.

"Nah, my mom's dead. She died in Caprica City when the Cylons attacked. I was staying with my aunt when Boomer landed near her farm. She couldn't take everyone, so she just rescued the kids. My aunt had to stay."

Boxey didn't seem too sad about this, but maybe he'd just got used to it. Almost everyone Seb knew had lost someone close to them when the Cylons attacked, and eventually they just didn't cry about it anymore.

"So don't have any parents?" Sebastian couldn't imagine what he'd do if his mom died. Who would look after him?

"Yeah. But Boomer looks after me now. She's really nice." Boxey sighed, "My dad went missing before the attacks. He was the ambassador at the Armistice station, so I think they killed him too."

"My dad died fighting the Cylons," Seb offered. "My mom said he was a hero." He fought back a sudden feeling of sadness. "I never got to meet him. I wish I did."

"You still have your Mom though."

"Yeah, I guess. Do you go to school?" Seb asked. He hadn't seen Boxey at school on the Star, and he knew there weren't enough kids on the Galactica for a school. Seb didn't think Boxey was really old enough to be by himself, though.

"Nah. What's the point?"

Seb was shocked. His mom always told him how important school was. "What are you going to do when you grow up then?" he asked.

Boxey shrugged. "Who says we're going to grow up? The Cylons will probably get us before then."

"We're going to Earth," Seb protested. "Commander Adama said so!"

"Yeah, but the Cylons are still following us. And I heard there's a Cylon aboard Galactica."

Seb's eyes widened as he looked around at all the strangers in the rec room. "Do you really think so?" he asked worriedly.

Oblivious to the younger boy's distress, Boxey nodded. "Yep. Someone had to blow up the water tanks, didn't they? I heard Tyrol tell Boomer that someone planted G4 explosives in all the tanks."

"How could they do that and not get caught?" Seb asked.

Boxey shrugged. "Hey, do you know how to play triad?" he asked, changing the subject.

Seb shook his head.

"I'll teach you," Boxey promised. "Let's go find a deck."

~ * ~

When Kara returned a little while later, she had such an angry look on her face that Seb was worried for a moment that he was about to get the telling off of his lifetime.

When she saw him though, she smiled. "Hey kiddo, you make a friend?" she asked.

Seb nodded. "Boxey's teaching me to play triad," he admitted.

His mom raised an eyebrow at that, but she didn't comment. "Say goodbye, kiddo. Time to get some dinner in the mess before the rush starts."

~ * ~

_He was running. He was running as fast as he could, but it was no good because the Cylon could run twice as fast, and it never got tired._

"_Mama!" he called, "I can't find you!"_

_It was getting closer now. He could hear the clanking of its feet, and sense its long fingers reaching towards him, groping for him, brushing his shirt— _

"Hey baby, wake up!" His mom was shaking him awake.

Seb blinked in confusion.

"You're dreaming, kid," she soothed. She was staring at him worriedly. "You wanna tell me about it?"

He didn't really, but he couldn't help himself. "There was a Cylon on Galactica. I couldn't run fast enough—"

She smoothed his fringe away from his face, and he realised it was damp with sweat. "There are no Cylons on Galactica," she told him.

"Boxey thinks there are," he said, without thinking.

"Oh, and how would Boxey know?"

"He said a Cylon blew up the water tanks, and that they'll catch up to us eventually, and we won't make it to Earth," he confessed in a rush.

Kara pulled him close and kissed his hair. "You listen to me, kiddo. Boxey's just a kid, like you. He doesn't know anything about the Cylons, even if he thinks he does."

"He said he heard someone say it to Boomer," Seb protested.

"Then he must have heard it wrong," Kara insisted.

"How can we beat them if they're machines, Mama?" he asked her plaintively.

"That's what the pilots are here for, baby. If the Cylons come back, we'll shoot every last one of them out of the stars."

"Promise?" he asked.

"Hey, they don't call me Starbuck for nothing, kiddo," she assured him. "I will blast _every last raider_ into pieces before I let _any_ of them get near you. I promise you." She kissed him again and gave him another squeeze.

Although he felt better now, Seb was reluctant to let go. "Can you stay with me, Mama?" he asked.

"Of course I will, kid," she replied. "Make room."

He shuffled over to the side and Kara squeezed into his little bed, pulling him close. With his head on his mother's shoulder and her arms around him, Seb knew the Cylons couldn't hurt him.

He slept.

~ * ~

**Next chapter: Lee wants to make amends, but he just can't seem to do anything right...**


	4. Chapter 4

~ * ~  
**Chapter Four**  
~ * ~

Lee Adama was not having a very good day. For starters, he was down half his squadron of pilots and had to somehow put together a CAP with the remainder. In addition to that, Kara had done a complete about-face and accepted his father's offer of a commission despite having all but thrown Lee out for even suggesting such a thing. And to top it all off, the commander had insisted that Lee accompany him to the hangar deck to greet their new flight instructor and her son. _My son_, Lee reminded himself again. _Our son._ Without going into a lengthy explanation, Lee couldn't refuse such a reasonable request—so here he was standing next to his father in glorious discomfort while Sebastian and his mother disembarked from the raptor.

Lee stayed still and quiet while his father greeted them, wishing he was anywhere else but here. He was drawn back into the moment at hand when he heard his name. "Maybe Lee can take you," his father was saying, and both Kara and Sebastian seemed to notice him for the first time. Kara's face was closed and stony; Seb's was curious, though not overly so.

Upon seeing him, Kara drew her son in closer to her body as if Lee might try to hurt him or steal him away. "Captain," she acknowledged coolly. She was clearly not pleased to see him there.

"Hello Kara," he replied evenly. His gaze was then drawn to Sebastian, and Lee found he couldn't look away from this boy. He looked so much like Kara, but Lee could see pieces of himself there too. It was a humbling thought. "It's good to meet you Sebastian," he greeted the boy finally.

Sebastian seemed to regard him carefully for a moment, then he saluted and respectfully replied, "It's good to meet you too, sir."

Lee was immediately taken back to his own childhood; saluting his father obediently as a good soldier should and wondering why the great commander couldn't just give his sons a goodbye hug like a regular dad. As much as fatherhood terrified him, he knew he did not want that kind of a relationship with his own son.

"You're not in the fleet, kid," he choked out. "No need to salute me."

It was the wrong thing to say. The boy's face fell visibly at the rebuke and Lee didn't even have to look at Kara to know she was glaring at him.

The commander must have been sweetly oblivious to this entire interplay because the very next thing he did was to order Lee to escort them both to quarters. He was not surprised when Kara allowed him to walk three steps ahead of them.

Whatever then possessed him to address Seb directly he'd never know, but it got Kara's back up something fierce. This in turn got his own temper firing so he stormed off, tersely reminding her to report to her commanding officer in an hour.

Not the best start, Lee reflected later, though it could have been worse.

It _got_ worse, and quickly—as the flight instructor, her commanding officer was the CAG. And Bill Adama had apparently failed to inform Kara that the CAG was one Leland J. Adama, the same man who had fathered her child and then abandoned her. But then, Lee had to remind himself that the old man really had no idea how deep the enmity ran between them, or for what reason. He probably thought all they needed was the opportunity (engineered if necessary) to talk things out rationally between them.

Lee figured Bill Adama didn't know Kara Thrace nearly as well as he liked to think he did.  
~ * ~

Lee looked up from the roster he'd been working on as the hatch to his office was pushed open.

"Lieutenant Kara Thrace reporting for duty, sir." Only Kara could make _that_ sound insolent. She saluted him, holding herself as rigidly as a cadet just out of basic. Her eyes were fixed on the wall above his head.

Lee sighed, knowing the torture had only just begun for both of them. "At ease, Lieutenant." He cast about for something to say. "Dad didn't tell you I was his CAG, did he?"

She dropped the salute, but still wouldn't look him in the eye. "No, sir." Her tone was icy and her expression unreadable, though Lee was sure she was not at all happy to have been put in this situation.

Kara continued to stand in stiff silence, looking anywhere but at him for a full thirty seconds more before Lee gave in and addressed the subject at hand. "Frak, Kara, how long are we going to pretend to have nothing to say to each other?"

Finally, she looked at him. "You might have something to say, Lee, but I can't think of a thing I want to say to you."

He resisted the urge to shake her. "Don't you think maybe we should discuss our common interest?"

"Common interest?" she mocked. "Is that what we're going to call him? Well, your 'common interest' and I have been doing perfectly well for the last five and a half years _without_ your input. What makes you think you could have anything relevant to say now?"

He had to fight hard not grind his teeth. He might have known she wouldn't make this easy. "Does he know that I'm his father?"

She actually laughed at that. "You're not his father."

Lee blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Sure he's got your DNA," she explained. "Too frakking much of it sometimes, but you're not his father. You chose not to be."

"I do have some rights here, Kara," he challenged.

"You think so? You walked away, Lee. The way I see it you didn't want any of those rights."

He resisted the urge to correct her; figuratively speaking he _had _walked away first, even though she'd been the one to actually leave.

Lee closed his eyes, took two calming breaths and played his trump card. "What about my Dad? You don't think he'd like to know he has a grandson?"

"I think he'd like it very much," she replied coolly. "You know what, Lee? As soon as you're ready to tell your old man, you go right ahead."

He hadn't actually realised he was bluffing until she called it. Or maybe she was bluffing his bluff. Either way, he knew she had him. The thought of admitting what he'd done, of his father looking at him with the same revulsion as Kara did, was too much. He let his head sag into his hands, his fight gone. Ashamed as it made him to admit even to himself, he knew that he wasn't going to come clean. He was going to let things stay as they were.

"Yeah, I didn't think so," Kara spat. "Let's just keep things professional here; you're the CAG and I'm here to train your pilots. _My_ son has nothing to do with you."

His jaw tightened at the accusation in her tone. This was what she wanted, wasn't it? "Fine," he agreed through clenched teeth. "Here's your first batch of nuggets." He handed her the clipboard. "Report to the briefing room at 0900 tomorrow for your first class. Dismissed."

She saluted lazily this time; staring him down, eyebrow cocked insolently in the knowledge that she'd won this round.  
~ * ~

Despite their agreement, Lee knew it was not going to be that easy. He sat in his office afterwards trying to figure out just how this was going to work.

Sebastian would be living aboard ship with Kara. To say Lee's feelings about this were mixed would be an understatement of gargantuan proportions. For starters, although he hadn't even admitted it to himself, he was frankly terrified his father was going to find out what he'd done—to Zak and to Kara. Secondly, he knew next to nothing about children so it was probably a good thing Kara would not likely be letting him near her son anytime soon.

Thirdly, he was curious. Insatiably curious. The short time he'd had to get a look at the boy on the hangar deck just wasn't enough. Lee wanted to know how much his son was like him. Was it just the eyes and a few other physical features? Did he have Kara's rebellious streak? Had he missed having a dad around? Lee feared so—he had at the same age. And he at least had had birthday cards and guilt-gifts and infrequent visits to let him know that he was thought of at least some of the time. Sebastian had nothing but whatever explanations Kara had made up for him.

For all he'd complained about his own father's lack of parenting skills, he was a thousand times worse. He honestly didn't know which way was up at this point. He felt sick at the idea of his son living so close while he pretended there was nothing between them but the alternative might even be worse – turn the poor kid's world upside down now and then turn out to be an utter failure at fatherhood and disappoint him even more.

He'd hoped they could come to some sort of arrangement, thought he could get to know the boy gradually and maybe earn Kara's forgiveness—but he'd offered the olive branch, and she'd stomped on it.

It was time he faced facts: she was never going to forgive him. And perhaps she shouldn't—after all, their previous association had been nothing but a series of bad decisions, awful timing and tragic consequences.  
~ * ~

_**Six Years Earlier:**_

_Trust Kara to pick a sleazy dive like this to drown her sorrows. Zak had died two months ago today and Lee had gone to Kara's apartment to make sure she was okay. Only she hadn't been there. Not that it had been difficult to track her down – he'd just checked all the bars in close proximity to her flat, working his way outwards in concentric circles. She was in the third one._

_He picked his way past the pool tables and the plastic pot plants to find her belly up to the bar and nursing a glass of ambrosia. It clearly wasn't her first of the evening. She must have sensed his approach because she turned. "Leee," she hummed, drawing it out drunkenly. "Where have you been?"_

_Kara could hold her drink like no one else he'd ever met so for her to be this intoxicated meant that she'd likely been at it for most of the afternoon as well as the evening. He felt a pang of guilt – he had been avoiding her lately. She was Zak's girl; he had to keep reminding himself of that. He couldn't let her get too close._

_Unfortunately that was much easier said than done. His feelings were getting more and more difficult to hide, especially since the evening of Zak's wake. She'd turned to him for comfort and he hadn't been able to refuse her. And even though he was perfectly well aware he was acting as a stand in for his brother, he had allowed her to use him._

_Kara threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "I knew you'd come find me," she whispered._

_It was true what they said. One bite of the apple was never enough._

"_Don't I always?" he replied and wondered that he didn't sound as bitter about it as he felt. _

"_You do, Lee," she agreed. "I can always rely on you."_

_Her smile broke his heart. "C'mon Kara," he said. "Let's get you home." _

_She shook her head. "Don't be like that, Lee," she protested. "Have a drink with me." She tossed back the rest of her glass and turned as if to order another._

_Lee shook his head at the barkeep and took Kara by the shoulder. "You've had enough already, Kara. Come home with me now."_

_She was unsteady on her feet so he hooked her arm around his neck and held her by the waist, trying not to let her proximity affect him. He might just as well have tried to make his heart stop beating._

_Kara dozed in the car so when Lee pulled up outside her building, he had to shake her awake. "Kara? You're home."_

"_No, I'm all right here," she murmured._

"_You can't stay in the car, Kara. Come on."_

_She was still not responding so he walked around to her door and opened it. Getting one arm behind her shoulders, he pulled her upright. "Put your feet down Kara, come on," he encouraged._

_Finally she seemed to perk up enough to hold at least some of her own weight and he helped her into the flat, got her into bed and started pulling off her boots. Kara undid her trousers and he helped her out of those too._

_Lee pulled the blanket over her and stood up to leave but she had hold of his hand. "Stay, Lee. Please."_

"_Of course I will," he promised. "I'll make up a bed on your couch."_

"_No," she shook her head and tugged on the arm she still held. "Stay here with me."_

_Gods, she was wanton and delectable and… drunk. "I don't think that's a good idea, Kara," he protested._

"_I'm afraid to be alone, Lee," she admitted. "Please," she whispered._

_It was the please that persuaded him. Somehow she knew he couldn't say no to her. Lee sighed and toed off his boots, but kept his pants on. He climbed into the bed and pulled her close.  
__~ * ~_

_Lee wasn't sure how much later it was when he awoke. He still had his arms around Kara but she had drawn closer in the night, burying her head in his shoulder and throwing one leg over his._

_Her proximity was making him feel things that were not at all appropriate. Her body was moulded to his which was not helping in the least—he needed to control his physical response before she woke up and caught him out._

_He began to run a viper maintenance checklist in his head but it was too late, she was already stirring. Gods, she stretched out like a cat and he could barely stop himself from rubbing against her in the same way. Carefully he tried to pull away._

"_Lee," she murmured sleepily. "Don't go." Her arms around him tightened as her hand began to wander._

_Lee caught her hand before it could undo the button on his trousers. "No Kara, I can't. We can't." _

"_Lee, I want you," Kara whispered. She propped herself up on one elbow and locked gazes with him. "I need you," she continued, bending her head to kiss him. "Please." Despite his resolve not to let this happen between them again, Lee felt his resistance fall away._

_He let go of her hand, and felt her smile against his lips. She was squirming against him again, and it took her bare seconds to get his pants off him._

_The territory of her body was familiar to him even though he'd only traversed it once before. He mapped it with his eyes and his hands and his lips, etching all the plains and valleys of her face into his memory._

_She looked so serene when she came that it broke his heart a little bit. Even though he felt like he was betraying Zak every time he touched her, if this was what she needed to ease her sorrow then he would give it to her._

_He was surprised when she pulled away from him immediately afterwards._

"_Kara?" he asked as she pulled her clothes back on._

"_I'm sorry, Lee. I shouldn't have made you do that," she murmured, not looking at him._

_He sighed. "You didn't make me do anything." _

_She silenced him with a look. "I have to tell you something about Zak. And you'll probably never want to speak to me again afterwards."_

_He opened his mouth to assure her that nothing she could say would have that effect but something in her face stopped him. _

"_I killed him, Lee." She turned sad eyes up at him. "It wasn't your dad, it was me. He busted three of the test manoeuvres but I went easy on him."_

_Lee couldn't comprehend what she was telling him. "What are you saying, Kara?"_

"_I'm saying he should never have passed Basic Flight and I knew that but I let him through anyway. And it killed him. I couldn't crush his dreams and it killed him." _

_Lee felt as if he'd been hit by a freight train. "Why… why are you telling me this now?" he choked out, trying to figure out what to do with this new information._

"_Zak wouldn't want you to hate your dad," she whispered in reply. "So hate me instead."  
_~ * ~

When Lee entered the briefing room, Kara was giving her nuggets the dressing down of a lifetime. A little over the top perhaps but he wasn't going to question her teaching methods.

Until she told them, in all seriousness, to pack their gear and get off her ship.

He waited for the nuggets to leave before he broached the subject. "Something to report, Lieutenant?" he asked.

The look she gave him in return was antagonistic if not downright insubordinate. "Not a thing, _sir_." She finished gathering up her paperwork and brushed past him to the door.

He followed her into the rec room where she made a show of looking for a fresh pot of coffee and completely ignoring him though he had no doubt she knew he was there. He wanted to shake her silly. Instead he clenched his jaw and charged in, guns blazing.

"What are you doing here, Kara? You can't wash them out on their first day."

"I just did," she replied, as if trainee pilots were commonplace and they could _afford_ to pick and choose.

He felt his anger gathering in his chest. "I've got 40 vipers and 21 pilots, that's it. We are sitting ducks until we finish water ops. We can't even maintain a CAP. And gods forbid the Cylons show up."

Finally she turned around. Insolently. "Gods forbid," she mocked, rolling her eyes at him. "But hey, maybe I can just pass them all instead. If they don't crash into the side of the ship at least we can use them as decoy fodder when the Cylons come back, don't you think?"

"Don't you bring Zak into this," he warned.

"Why not? It's what you're getting at, isn't it?" she shot back.

It was all Lee could do _not_ to slap her. He'd not deny she had a right to be angry with him, to hold a grudge… but this was not personal. This was the safety of the fleet, and he was her commanding officer. "Lieutenant Thrace," he emphasised the rank. "This is not a request."

Finally he had her full attention. "Well, _Captain_ Adama, I am the flight instructor sir. My word is scripture, sir. Those nuggets need a wake-up call, so I'm giving them one because the Cylons won't. After they've stewed for a couple of hours I'll reinstate them and those who are capable of flying without getting their asses blown off on the first run will be available to you for CAP _when_ and _if_ I give my say so. I will not, repeat, _not_ pass another student who isn't ready and if those terms are unacceptable to you, you can find yourself another flight instructor."

"Better late than never, I suppose." He knew he shouldn't before the words even came out of his mouth but she'd been spitting bile at him since the moment she'd come aboard and frankly he'd reached his breaking point.

He felt the sting of her slap before he even saw her arm move. "Frak you," she whispered.

"You already tried that," he sneered.

The look in her eyes was murderous as she paused for a fraction of a second in disbelief. Then she turned and stalked out, jaw set and eyes suspiciously moist.

'_That went well, Lee,' _he told himself. '_Nicely done.'  
_~ * ~

"Captain, a moment if you wouldn't mind?"

Lee paused on his way out of the morning briefing. Bill Adama waited until the room was empty before turning to his son. "How's Kara settling in?"

Lee blinked. "Uh, she seems okay, I guess."

An uncharacteristic smile crossed his dad's face. "Her boy is really something, isn't he? When he saluted us in the hangar bay, I couldn't help but remember you at the same age."

Lee blinked, surprised. For a moment he thought he'd been found out and a jolt of fear shot through him. He swallowed carefully and searched his father's face for any sign the old man knew the truth. "I don't really remember," he murmured uncomfortably.

"You would salute me every time I shipped out," Bill remembered. "I wanted to give you a hug but it seemed disrespectful when you were trying so hard to be a soldier about it all. And Zak, of course, followed your lead."

Lee swallowed past the lump in his throat and Bill continued, oblivious.

"I was going to invite them to join us for dinner in my quarters tomorrow night—"

"Uh, I can't actually, Dad," Lee interrupted. "I have a meeting with the president at 1800."

Bill raised an eyebrow at being cut off so abruptly and Lee realised his too-quick answer had given him away.

"As I was saying," the commander continued, "I wanted to invite her but when I brought the subject up she seemed very reluctant. I was going to ask if you had any idea why but now I know that you do. What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on." It was a perfectly futile denial and Lee knew it.

Bill Adama fixed his son with a stern look. "If the CAG and the flight instructor have a personal issue that's likely to interfere with their duties, as commander of this ship I need to know about it."

"There's no issue, _sir_," Lee emphasised.

"Son," Bill sighed. "I wasn't born yesterday. And while _as your father_ it may be none of my business, as your commanding officer I need to know my people can put their personal differences aside."

"We can," Lee insisted.

"That's not what I hear. Scuttlebutt has it the two of you had somewhat of a _showdown_ in the rec room yesterday afternoon," Bill pressed.

Lee took a deep breath. He couldn't tell the truth so he settled for a half-truth. "She came to see me," he confessed. "Six years ago. She told me she was pregnant, asked for my help and I refused her. I said it was a betrayal of Zak's memory and all but told her to terminate it. She left and when I called her a couple of days later to apologise, she'd gone."

Bill looked at his son for a long moment, his disappointment evident. "Do you still feel that way? That she betrayed Zak?"

Lee sighed. It was far too complicated a question to answer. On the face of it, yes, he still did believe his relationship with Kara was a betrayal of Zak. But he'd never laid the betrayal at her door, only his own. "I don't know," he said at last.

"People deal with their grief in different ways, son. Zak wouldn't begrudge her that."

He knew his father was right but it didn't help the situation. "I tried to apologise," he admitted. "She wasn't interested and I don't see what else I can do."

"You said some hurtful things," Bill observed. "They don't just go away when you apologise. You're going to have to live with that." He fixed Lee with a stern look. "Regardless, I expect both of you to behave professionally."

Lee looked away, knowing he'd gotten off lightly. "Understood, sir," he conceded.

"I believe we are both due in CIC," Bill continued, gesturing to the door.  
~ * ~

When they reached CIC, Kara's voice was filling the comms as she took her nuggets through some basic manoeuvres. Lee couldn't help but smile to himself – she _was_ a good instructor.

"Holy frak, we've got incoming." Her voice cut through the CIC like a knife and the smile fell instantly from Lee's face.

"Dradis, multiple contacts," Gaeta confirmed. "It's the Cylons."

"Launch the alert fighters," Lee ordered, heart pounding in his chest. It would take them at least two minutes to get to her and she was alone out there besides three nuggets who would likely be more of a liability than anything else.

"They're gaining," Gaeta warned.

Kara must have realised it too because they heard her say, "Listen up nuggets. Stay together and keep your throttles firewalled until you hit that deck."

Lee stared at the Dradis read and was sure it must be playing up. Kara's viper was no longer headed toward Galactica; instead it was accelerating towards the raider formation.

"What's she doing?" his father asked, horrified.

"She's going to take on all eight and get herself killed," Tigh muttered.

Lee's eyes widened as he realised it was true.


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: Hi guys! Sorry for taking so ridiculously long with this chapter. I am half done on the next one so it should not take as long (touch wood!) Many thanks as always to my wonderful betas Cliosmuse, Tracyj23 and Uberscribbler - this would never have been finished without you! As always, any mistakes remaining are mine alone.**_

~ * ~  
**Chapter Five**  
~ * ~

Eight raiders. Kara had downed at least that many singlehandedly in the sims. However, this was not a simulation and she had three baby birds to protect. Eight raiders wouldn't normally be a problem without a base ship to back them up—a regular CAP could clean them up without breaking a sweat before the alert fighters even launched. This time, however, there was no CAP. And the alert fighters were at least two minutes away, an eternity in a firefight. Might as well be two hours.

The raiders would likely target the civilian fleet first. And right at that moment, Seb was at his school on the Rising Star instead of safely aboard the heavily armoured Galactica. One lucky shot—or if the raiders had nukes they didn't even need much luck—and the consequences didn't bear thinking about. Kara felt a jolt of fear knowing the only defence available was Galactica herself and four lone Vipers—three of which were being flown by nuggets only two days into their training.

For all Galactica's firepower, she was big and unwieldy. She could hold her own against a base star but raiders were too small and quick to be taken out easily. A Viper in the hands of an experienced pilot could take down a raider in seconds. Galactica would take minutes. In minutes a raider could do a _lot_ of damage.

Kara checked her readings and realised the raiders were almost on their tails and gaining. They'd likely be in weapons range before she got her baby birds home. _So be it_, she decided. She couldn't let another student die because of her.

"Listen up nuggets," she told them, "Stay together and keep your throttles firewalled until you hit that deck. Now go." And once she was sure they'd heard and were obeying she flipped her own Viper over and headed back towards the raiders. Maybe she could keep them distracted until the alert fighters joined the party.

Kara took out the first raider and dodged fire from the others. She barely registered Kat's voice over the comms asking Hotdog where he was going before his Viper swooped past her with its guns blazing.

"Hotdog, what are you doing?" she called as his rounds found their mark and another of the raiders spun out of control.

"Whoa, I got one!" he crowed. Frakking idiot was going to get himself killed.

"Hotdog, get out of here!"

He ignored her order and continued shooting. Damn, she should have taught him more common sense! He wasn't ready for live combat.

Kara tried one more time to get through to him. "I thought I told you to get your ass home?"

"You said never leave your leader," he reminded her.

"I also said never disobey an order!" Surely she had at some point. And even if she hadn't, it went without saying.

Then one of the raiders got a shot in and his bravado vanished. "I'm hit!"

_Hopefully he's learned a lesson_, she thought; _if he survives it._ She swung her own bird around to engage the raider that was angling in for the kill. "I got you Hotdog, we're gonna make it through this," she promised. "Break right, now, now, now!"

Finally he did as she asked and broke away from the fight as Kara managed to disable two more of the raiders. Just one left now, but it was behind her.

"I just lost all three mains!" Hotdog called. Now that he was clear of the fighting his panic reflexes were kicking in. This was not at all unexpected; if she got herself out of this one Kara was going to do a little post-battle panicking of her own.

"It's all right Hotdog, you did good. You're going to be okay, I promise you." She frowned and muttered to herself, "At least one of us will." The raider on her tail was proving hard to shake and she had the sudden feeling she wouldn't make it back from this one.

_Lords of Kobol hear my prayer,_ she thought. "I think I got it covered," she said aloud. Flipping her Viper over, she fired without waiting for her stomach to catch up to the G forces.

A hit; the raider spun out of control. Then, too quickly to dodge, it was heading straight for her. It impacted with a sickening crunch and silence followed as her instruments went dead.

As her Viper spun out of control, Kara reflected that it might not have been a good idea to take on eight Cylon raiders by herself.

_Lords of Kobol hear my prayer,_ she thought again, wrestling with the stick to no avail. _Look after my son. And while you're at it make his frakking father grow a pair._

Then she ejected.

~ * ~

_**Six Years Earlier**_

_Kara left Lee's apartment with her head held high. She was determined not to fall apart. Getting involved with Lee had been a serious misjudgement but it was too late to regret that now. Frak him, anyway._

_Oddly enough, Kara hadn't made a concrete decision until Lee had told her he didn't want the baby. She realised she'd been expecting him to __**fix things.**__ When had he become the person who fixed things for her, anyway? Kara had been used to fixing things for herself; until she'd tried to fix things for Zak and he'd ended up dead._

_It was time to get used to looking after herself again. Kara's hand came to rest on her stomach of its own accord as she remembered—not just herself now. _

_Frak. A baby. Would he be a hellion like his mother? Or would he be sweet and loving like Lee? Scratch that; Lee was not sweet or loving, he was a frakhead. Maybe the baby would take after Uncle Zak? She bit back a sob. Was she really going to be able to do this? Alone?_

_Before Kara realised she'd made the decision, she'd packed up the few possessions she actually cared about—her stogies, her leather jacket, photos of Zak (Lee's face folded away so she wouldn't have to look at it) and the music chip of her father's concerto—and hopped on a transport to Leonis. The rest of her stuff she left for her landlord to deal with. Her spontaneous redecoration was likely to make sure she didn't get her security deposit back anyway._

_She wouldn't be keeping the baby, of course. She told herself it was for the best; a kid would tie her down and she'd end up resenting it. Kara couldn't imagine beating up on her own kid but maybe her momma had felt the same way too, once. It wasn't worth the risk._

_She got a job at a local garage servicing cars. It didn't pay a whole lot but it kept her fed and paid the rent. And when she got too big to slide under cars Joe tactfully suggested she take over the bookkeeping until she was a little more mobile._

_Surprisingly, she enjoyed keeping the business accounts balanced. Numbers lined up in neat logical columns and when you added them up you got a neat logical answer. At least there was one aspect of her life she had control over._

~ * ~

As if colliding with a dead raider and ejecting from her Viper wasn't bad enough, she'd just been dragged half a mile through the dirt and frakked her knee up again before she'd managed to free herself from the strings of her chute. Binding the knee had eased the pain a little but she wasn't looking forward to walking on it.

_Okay, priorities_, Kara told herself. _Radio._ She pulled it out._ Totally fubar. Oxygen? _The indicator was red and she threw it away in frustration. _Non-breathable atmo. Helmet stays on._

"Frak!" Vocalising the word didn't help her situation but it made her feel better. A little.

She checked the gauge on her suit and found she had roughly three quarters of a tank. That gave her a little over a day and a half to figure out a way off this rock. Or roughly two days until her son became an orphan.

_Not if I have anything to frakking say about it._

Kara dragged herself upright and tried putting weight on her bad knee. It hurt like frak but if she was careful she could hobble along.

"Okay," she muttered. "Get to higher ground. If they see you, they can rescue you."

~ * ~

_Kara wasn't sure exactly why her adoption plan went out the window. She'd been convinced throughout the pregnancy she would never be a fit mother. She just hadn't any example to follow that didn't include skipping out when things got tough or broken bones as a means of discipline._

_It would be overly romantic to say she'd decided the first time the baby had blinked his bewildered newborn eyes at her but it was more the thought of handing him over to someone else and going back to the life she'd had before Zak. It made her feel strangely empty._

_Zak was dead, practically by her own hand. Commander Adama, though he'd said he had forgiven her for her role in Zak's death, was unlikely to be sympathetic on finding she'd got herself pregnant within months of her fiancé's death. She could tell him the baby was still his grandchild, of course—he might care about that—but Lee would probably deny all involvement and who was he going to believe? His own son or the woman who'd caused the death of his other son? _

_Lee... she should probably have known better than to rely on him. They had overwhelming physical attraction in spades but a healthy relationship? Not even close. She'd thought he had some feeling for her, especially after he was so quick to forgive her for passing Zak through Basic Flight, but over the months she'd come to accept she'd simply read him wrong. _

_If she gave the baby away she'd be alone again. She'd have nothing left. Nothing of Lee, nothing of Zak. Nothing of herself._

_Her mother's house had finally sold a few months back but she'd left the money sitting in an account as a matter of pride. Kara wanted to be able to say she'd take nothing from the old battle-axe dead or otherwise but she kept the money in case of emergencies. She swallowed her pride and tapped into the account to buy a small townhouse near the garage for herself and baby Sebastian. _

~ * ~

Hours of limping uphill through a driving wind and the endless red dust while her oxygen slowly ran out certainly wasn't Kara's idea of fun but at least it afforded plenty of time for reflection.

Not surprisingly her thoughts tended to revolve around a certain five year old. She was under no illusions about the likelihood of rescue; the wind hadn't abated and neither had the dust. Vipers would have to fly low to the ground, visibility would be minimal and, given her transponder had cut out well before she'd been caught by the gravity of the moon, they might not even know she was here at all. Not to mention the Cylons could show up with reinforcements at any minute. There was a very real probability they would not find her in time.

She was not afraid to die. She was, however, terrified of what would happen to her son if she did.

Lee was the only other person who knew that Sebastian had surviving relatives besides his mother, and he didn't want to be a father. Sure he might've shown some interest but as soon as she'd suggested telling the commander he couldn't backpedal fast enough.

Would Bill Adama consider Sebastian his responsibility if his mother died in the line of duty? Perhaps; but he might not do any more than see him settled with a good adoptive civilian family. He wouldn't know Seb was his own blood unless Lee told him. She checked her chronometer. She'd been missing at least five hours now. Seb's Raptor would be bringing him home from school and he'd be expecting her to meet him. Lords, why hadn't she arranged for someone else to take care of him in case she was held up?

There was only one thing for it. She was going to have to get herself off this rock, RFN.

~ * ~

Sebastian waved politely to the shuttle pilot as he followed the other passengers through the hatch. He looked around for his mother but he couldn't see her. He frowned. She'd promised to meet him right here—surely she would not have forgotten? Maybe she'd been held up. Well, he'd go look for her.

The hangar deck seemed even busier than it had when they had arrived yesterday. Those orange-suited people were all rushing around carrying parts of planes and some were installing them. One man was yelling at some of the others to go faster. Nobody looked very happy.

And nobody seemed to see him as he carefully made his way across the deck. A few of them nearly ran into him but he dodged them in time. Nobody stopped to ask if he was okay. Sebastian felt very small.

It was then he spotted Captain Adama. He remembered the odd way the captain had looked at him yesterday and way he'd seemed to make Mama angry for no reason. Still, there was nobody else around that Seb knew and Captain Adama was his mom's new boss. He might know where she was.

"Captain Adama, sir?" he asked carefully.

The captain turned sharply, startled. "Sebastian," he said. "You shouldn't be here, civilians aren't allowed. It's too dangerous."

"I'm sorry, sir," Seb apologised. "Mama said she would meet me after school but I can't find her. Do you know where she is?"

The captain frowned at him and Seb rather wished he'd asked someone else. Captain Adama didn't seem to want to talk to him and he made Seb uncomfortable in a way he didn't really understand.

"She's on a mission," the captain replied finally. "Last minute; I promised her I'd look out for you but I forgot what time the Raptor came in."

Sebastian frowned; it didn't seem likely that Mama had asked Captain Adama to look after him when she seemed to dislike him so much. Still, he was the commander's son and Mama trusted the commander. It was all very strange and confusing.

"Come along then," the captain said. "Let's find someone to take care of you until your mom gets back."

Sebastian took the hand that was offered, despite his misgivings.

~ * ~

Kara sighed. Another ridge, beyond which there was sure to be another broad expanse of nothing-but-more-sand followed by yet another ridge. Almost a whole day's worth of walking and not a distinguishing feature to be found. To make matters worse, her oxygen was more than half gone and the light was dying.

"Lords?" she asked the air around her, tongue in cheek, "It's Kara Thrace. I'm running a little low o­n O2 and I could use a lucky break." She waited a beat. "No? Okay, just thought I'd mention it."

Gods, what was wrong with her? This was not the time for flippancy, but she couldn't seem to help herself. She shrugged the thought away as she finally reached the top of the ridge. And then she saw it.

A raider.

Quickly, she ducked behind the ridge and drew her sidearm. She watched it carefully for a few minutes but it remained still. It didn't look as if it had crash landed but why else would it be down here?

She'd asked the gods for a miracle, and it looked like they'd delivered. _Hang in there, kid. Mama's coming home._

~ * ~


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN: Sorry for the delay. Again. *sheepish* However, in my defence, this is a very long chapter! Many thanks as always to my wonderful betas Cliosmuse, Tracyj23 and Uberscribbler - this would never have been finished without you! As always, any mistakes remaining are mine alone. Rejoice with me - we are finally out of AoC/YCGHA!**_

~ * ~  
**Chapter Six**  
~ * ~

_The moment she opened the door, Lee knew he was in trouble—something indefinable sparked between them from the very first. The silence hung a moment as he opened his mouth and closed it again—afraid to speak lest he trip over his own tongue._

"_You must be... Lee," she said finally. "I'm Kara." _

_Lee noted the hitch in her voice and was glad he wasn't the only one discomfited. He handed her the flowers he'd brought and her smile widened appreciatively. "Oh, you didn't have to do that, thank you. I'll put them in some water." She turned and headed down the stairs calling out to Zak to let him know Lee was here._

"_Nice place," he commented._

_Kara snorted. "It's a rat trap, but the rent's cheap," she demurred._

_He wasn't just being polite; sure it was small and in need of renovation but it felt comfortable. Lived in. There was a mural on the living room wall that he would bet she'd painted herself. "No," he protested. "It's got real charm." _

"_You're a terrible liar," she informed him. "We should play cards."_

"_I hold my own," he informed her, trying __**not**__ to imagine a game of strip triad as Zak finally sauntered into the kitchen and greeted him._

"_I see you've met my better half," Zak commented. "And this one's mine, keep your hands off," he added half joking, as if he could read his brother's thoughts._

"_Oh, a girlfriend stealer for a brother!" Kara teased; and that indefinable __**something**__ was there again._

"_I never stole his girlfriend," Lee protested. Well, not really. And they'd both still been in high school then anyway, surely it didn't count? Juvenile records were sealed after all._

_Kara shooed both brothers from the kitchen and Zak took the opportunity to sing her praises. Lee was surprised to learn Kara was an instructor; while personal relationships between instructors and students weren't technically against regulations, they were definitely frowned upon. Zak's feelings for Kara were clearly deep enough for him to risk accusations of favouritism._

_Dinner was an enjoyable affair. Kara was a good cook (despite her protestations that this was a one-off occurrence) and conversation consisted of Lee and Zak attempting to one-up each other with increasingly embarrassing childhood stories or Kara and Lee swapping stories of flight school and Viper exploits._

_After one evening in Kara's company Lee felt as if he'd known her all his life. As he helped her carry Zak to bed, Lee reflected that he was going to have to be very careful of his behaviour towards her. Because Zak was wrong—he was not a girlfriend stealer. _

~ * ~

When Boomer radioed that she was returning with Hotdog, Commander Adama ordered Tigh to take command of the CIC. He caught Lee's eye and by unspoken agreement both headed down to the hangar bay to debrief the trainee pilot.

"Was she manoeuvring?" Bill asked.

Costanza thought for a moment. "I think so, sir. Yes."

"So she survived the initial hits," Boomer interjected. "She could still be alive."

"She _is_ alive, Lieutenant," the commander insisted, "And we're going to find her." He gave Lee a pointed look and began walking towards the Vipers.

Lee unfastened the wings from his own jacket and pinned them to Hotdog's collar. The kid had shown surprising courage facing up to the Cylons _and_ the wrath of Starbuck for disobeying orders and he'd managed to down at least one raider himself. He was a warrior now, blooded by his first kill. "I think you earned those today," he murmured.

Without waiting for a response he turned and headed for his own Viper. Less than a week ago he had thought Kara dead. Now he stood a chance of putting things right and he had no intention of letting the Cylons frak it up.

Neither did the commander it seemed; he appeared and handed Lee his helmet. "Find her," he ordered; the pointed look he bestowed reminding Lee of their conversation and his partial confession less than an hour ago.

He swallowed nervously. "I will," he promised, and meant it.

~ * ~

_Lee became adept at hiding his infatuation with Kara. Zak never suspected a thing and if Kara did she was equally good at ignoring it. She treated him as she always had—like a close friend and almost brother._

_It was both comforting and frustrating._

_Just before the end of his leave, Lee and Zak took Kara to meet their grandfather. _

_Joseph Adama, as shrewd as ever despite (or perhaps because of) his advancing years, immediately recognised his elder grandson's frustration. When Lee headed for the kitchen to make coffee leaving the happy couple playing footsie on the sofa, he followed. "It's no good wishing for things you can't have, Leland," he advised. _

_Somehow he wasn't at all surprised Grandpa Joe had seen right through him. Lee shrugged the advice away. "What's the harm in wishing if they never even know?" _

_Lee had often been told he'd inherited his grandfather's eyes. Something in those pale blue depths made him pay attention now. "Once I wished to see my daughter one more time. A wish, once granted, may not be what you wanted after all." He would not explain further._

_Less than a year later, Lee understood his full meaning. _

~ * ~

Lee was fit to be tied. He'd managed to hit bingo fuel just as the tankers were refilling, meaning he'd been forced to land his Viper instead of tanking up in orbit. To make matters worse, his right roll thruster was so gunked up with dust from the moon that it didn't fire. His whole landing was thrown off with the result that his Viper would not be heading back out any time soon, refuelled or not. Yelling at Tyrol to produce another Viper didn't really help the situation but it made him feel better. A little.

Fifteen birds needed repairs. Dammit, Kara was out there and he needed to find her. Lee was assessing the damage on one of the other Vipers when a small voice piped up behind him.

"Captain Adama, sir?"

Lee stiffened, recognising the voice immediately. He'd forgotten all about Seb. He'd be looking for his mom of course but how had he managed to get onto the hangar deck without anyone noticing? "Sebastian," he said. "You shouldn't be here, civilians aren't allowed. It's too dangerous."

"I'm sorry, sir," the boy apologised. His formality made Lee wince inwardly. "Mama said she would meet me after school but I can't find her. Do you know where she is?"

Lee pondered very carefully how much to say. He didn't want to lie to the boy but neither did he want to scare him with the news that Kara was missing with limited oxygen and possibly injured to boot. Seb began to look uncomfortable and Lee realised he was taking too long to answer. "She's on a mission," Lee told him quickly. "I promised her I'd look out for you but I forgot what time the Raptor came in."

Sebastian frowned; possibly wondering why his mother would have entrusted his safety to a man she clearly couldn't stand the sight of. Lee tried to look unthreatening but he really had no idea how to relate to children. This was exactly what he'd always feared.

"Come along then," Lee said nervously. "Let's find someone to take care of you until your mom gets back," he offered, holding out his hand.

His son looked at the proffered hand for a moment as if he were worried it might bite him and then Lee felt his son's small fingers curl into his own. "Are you hungry?" he asked, remembering how he'd always come home from school "starving" when he was a child.

"Starving," his son agreed and Lee had to suppress a smile.

"Then we'll go to the mess and see if we can't get you something to eat, okay?" And with a little luck, they might find someone who was better qualified to take care of a small child.

~ * ~

_His brother was dead. It had been Lee's reality for three days now._

_Kara was inconsolable. Lee supposed she was blaming herself for not teaching him well enough but Lee well knew the real culprit here was Commander William Adama._

_Lee spent the funeral and the reception making sure his mother was okay but when she retired for the evening he sought Kara out and offered to drive her home—it was either that or have it out with his father in front of everyone._

_Lee had intended to see her safely inside and then return home to a bottle of ambrosia and a heated altercation with a punching bag but Kara bit her lip and pleaded, "Stay."_

_So he stayed. _

_Thankfully, Kara also had a bottle of ambrosia waiting. She poured them each a glass and they raised a toast to Zak. They finished that bottle in a mournful sort of silence and Kara went to fetch another. Lee was starting to feel his anger dissipate as his head got lighter._

"_Do you remember," Kara asked suddenly, "That night we met, and Zak tried to drink us under the table?"_

_Lee smiled wistfully. "How long did he last? Half a bottle? He never could hold his drink."_

"_I made him a Tauron Starburst once. He got halfway through the second layer and had to run for the bathroom to throw up."_

"_A Tauron Starburst?" Lee asked. "I don't think I've heard of that one before."_

"_Of course not," she smirked. "I made it up."_

_He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Why am I not surprised?"_

_She giggled. "Want one?"_

_He really should have said no. He knew even as he shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Sure."_

_Several drinks later, they'd moved on to a competition of who could mix the most sexually suggestive cocktail._

"_This one," she announced, mixing small amounts of several liqueurs into a shot glass, "Is one of my favourites." She passed him the shot glass which was now a pink tinged with a darker red colour. "Put it between your lips and suck."_

_He followed her instruction and found the drink pleasantly sweet, with a bite. "What's that called?" he asked._

"_Aphrodite's Nipple," she told him with a smirk._

"_Not bad," he observed. "My turn." He mixed a few drinks together and handed her the glass._

_She drank the contents and licked her lips. "Mmm, sweet. What's that called?"_

"_Dionysus Kiss," he replied._

_Kara leaned in close and raised an eyebrow. "Only a kiss? I thought it felt a bit more intimate than that," she cooed._

_This seemed like dangerous territory to Lee but he couldn't seem to remember why. "A kiss is pretty intimate, Kara."_

"_It depends on the kiss," Kara argued. She smirked to herself as she mixed the next drink and handed it to him. "You could call this a kiss, I guess..." She waited until he'd drunk the glass dry before finishing, "But I call it a Blow Job." _

_Lee didn't quite manage to swallow the last drop in time. Kara chuckled as he choked and Lee decided he was through being the good boy. "My turn, is it?" he asked._

_She nodded and he leaned in a little closer to her. "Tell me Kara," he asked in a low breathy voice. "Would you prefer a Quick Frak? Or a Sloe Screw?"_

_She didn't bat an eyelid, he had to give her that. Nobody could match Starbuck for bravado. "How about you give me one of each and I'll tell you which I like better?" she suggested._

_Her eyes were locked with his, daring him to take the bait. He leaned in closer still and just had time to see her smirk before their lips met. _

_That was all it took. He was in hook, line and sinker. Again it vaguely occurred to him that there was something wrong with this turn of events but he ignored the thought. He was not thinking about how this was something he had wanted since the moment he first saw her. He was not thinking about Zak for the first time since the news had hit him with the force of a blunt object. All he knew was that Kara wanted him._

_Kara wanted him and that was all that really mattered._

_When he woke the next morning sober and naked in her bed, he did the only thing he could do—got dressed and fled. _

~ * ~

When they stepped into the mess hall, Seb immediately spotted a familiar face. "Hey Boomer," he called.

Boomer looked up and smiled. "Hi short stuff!" Sebastian plopped down on the bench beside her and she ruffled the boy's hair affectionately. Then she spotted his escort. "Is there any news, Captain?"

"Nothing new, Lieutenant." He cleared his throat, "Actually, I was wondering if you could help me out? Kara's not back from her mission yet," he glanced meaningfully at Seb hoping she would take the hint, "And I said I would look after Sebastian here. It turns out I still have a few things to take care of, so perhaps you could watch him for a while? He seems comfortable with you."

Sharon looked at him speculatively for a moment. "Sure, Apollo. Seb and I are old friends, aren't we?" she turned to the boy for confirmation.

"All right with you then, kid?" Lee asked. Seb nodded enthusiastically. "Thanks, Boomer. I'll let you know if we hear anything definite," he promised.

~ * ~

Lee returned to the hangar deck, more determined than ever to get back into the search. With Tyrol's help, he started pulling bits off some of the worst damaged Vipers when the call went out over the comms for him to report to the CIC.

When he arrived, his father and Tigh were looking at a graph depicting the search pattern. The untouched areas were far too vast.

"You can't see very far when you're hugging the ground," Tigh explained.

"We can't see anything at all from altitude," Lee interjected. And the gunk keeps screwing up our ships. I've got thirteen Vipers down for repairs, including my own."

The Commander's mouth was set in a thin line. "We need more eyes."

"Redeploy the CAP," Lee suggested.

Tigh shook his head. "Bad idea. If the Cylons show up, we're maggot meat."

"What if we move the fleet closer to the moon?" Lee suggested. "We can scramble the Vipers from the search to meet any attack. We can double the search area in the time we have left."

"Starbuck would be the first one to tell you not to do this," Tigh disagreed.

"You don't even know her!" Lee argued.

"Gentlemen," Commander Adama interrupted, reminding them both who had the final say on the idea. He looked from one to the other, his eyes finally settling on Lee. "You get as many birds in the air as you can and you find our girl," he ordered.

Lee swallowed. "Yes, sir." He turned to go.

"Captain."

Lee turned back to his father. "Sir?"

"When was the last time you slept?"

Lee blinked. What did that matter? He would sleep when they found Kara. "About thirty hours ago," he admitted.

"That's what I thought. Get the CAP on the search, then take an off shift."

"Sir..." he protested.

"That's an order, Lee. I'll have you paged if there's any news."

~ * ~

Before retiring, Lee returned to the deck to see what progress Tyrol and his crew had made on repairs. He was helping reconstruct a bearing assembly when one of the knuckle draggers called out to tell him he had a call. He left Tyrol to finish up, hoping it would be his father on the line letting him know they'd found Kara at last. Instead, it was the president.

"How are you holding up?" she asked. Her tone was genuine but nevertheless it put him on his guard.

"Better than my Viper," he quipped. "We're slapping one together from pieces of the others."

"I need your help. Did you know that your father has redeployed the combat air patrol?"

Lee gritted his teeth. "Yes, Madam President, it was my idea," he admitted. "We need every Viper we've got."

There was a slight pause before the next question. "Maybe I'm missing something about the tactics involved here, but isn't the fleet defenceless without the C.A.P.?"

She was playing it coy but she was right. "Only for a short time," he stalled. And though it hurt to say it he added, "Kara only has about ten hours of oxygen left. We need to find her before then."

"Are you very close with Lieutenant Thrace?" Roslin asked carefully.

Frak, he shouldn't have used Kara's first name. "I'm close with all my pilots," he demurred.

"And I assume the same is true for your father?" He could practically hear her reassessing his allegiances.

She was going to try to call off the search on the grounds of impaired judgement. If he was completely honest with himself he would admit if it was anyone but Kara he'd be arguing to give up the search by now. But it _was_ Kara and he'd be damned if he'd let her down again. "His pilots mean a lot to him, to all of us," he said carefully. "We don't leave anyone behind."

"But we have left people behind," she argued. "You know that."

He needed to end this conversation now. "Not this time. Your F.T.L. drive should be spun up and ready. Just make sure everyone is set to jump at the first sign of trouble."

She didn't take the hint. "With all due respect, Captain, there are times when it is necessary for the safety of the fleet to-"

"Not this time. Madam President," he insisted. "We just haven't exhausted all the options and the safety of the fleet has not been compromised."

There was a longer silence this time. "I hope you find her."

Lee hung up, knowing the situation had just got a little more desperate.

~ * ~

On his way back to quarters, Lee ran into Boomer and Seb.

"I was looking for you, Apollo," she admitted. "I'm rostered for CAP and Sebastian here needs a place to sleep."

Another thing he had not thought of. Boomer naturally slept in the bunkroom with the other pilots so even if she had been off duty Seb couldn't stay with her overnight. Lee, on the other hand, had private quarters. No spare bed but the couch would probably do.

"Oh, of course," he replied. "Thanks Boomer, I'll take care of it from here."

"No problem, sir. I'm sure he'll be much better off with you." She looked him up and down in a strangely calculating way, saluted peremptorily and headed for the hangar deck leaving him alone with his son.

Seb was yawning, seeming hardly aware of his surroundings and Lee wondered just how far past his bedtime it was. "Come on kid," he told the boy gruffly. "Let's find you somewhere to bunk for the night."

Seb nodded and followed Lee to his quarters without a word. Lee fished out a spare blanket and made up a bed for his son on the couch before Seb finally spoke up. "Captain Adama?" he asked finally.

"Yes?" Lee asked.

"Mama's not really on a mission is she? I heard Crashdown say she was lost and might be dead."

Frak. Lee made a mental note to assign Crashdown to dishwashing duty for the next year or so. He hunkered down to Sebastian's level and looked him in the eyes. He decided honesty was probably the best policy. "Yes," he admitted. "Your mom should have been back by now. She had a little Viper trouble and had to eject." Lee watched his son swallow and struggle not to cry and it brought a lump to his throat that had nothing to do with his own worries for Kara's safety. "We're going to find her," he promised. "We're going to find her and bring her back to you, okay?"

Seb nodded, looking unconvinced.

"You can cry if you need to," Lee advised his son. "Sometimes it helps. I promise I won't tell anyone."

Seb nodded again but remained stoic. Lee didn't really blame him—the boy had absolutely no reason to trust him, after all.

He drew the covers back and Seb climbed into the makeshift bed. Without planning to, Lee reached out and ruffled the boy's hair—then drew his hand back again, embarrassed. Luckily Seb didn't seem to notice. "If you need anything, call out. I'm just over there, see? And try not to worry."

Sebastian obediently closed his eyes and tried to sleep. Lee paused a moment watching him, wondering what it would be like if he'd made a different choice six years ago. Would he be giving his son a hug and kiss before tucking him in tight? Reading him a story, perhaps? He sighed. It was far too late for regrets now.

He dimmed the lights and climbed into his own bed. And if he heard sniffling coming from the couch during the night, he let the boy have his privacy and pretended he didn't.

~ * ~

"Remember what I said. We'll find her." Lee reminded Seb of his promise as his son climbed aboard the Raptor that would take him to school. The boy didn't look any more convinced than he had the night before but he was clearly putting on a brave face. Lee felt a strange sort of pride even as his heart ached for his son.

The search continued past the deadline. Hours later, when the president's shuttle showed up unannounced, the commander sent Tigh to meet her and asked Lee to accompany him. "She's gonna press," he warned.

Lee nodded. "I'm with you." He readied himself for the battle, feeling strange to be on the same side as his dad on this one.

"Madam President," Adama greeted stiffly.

Roslin looked them both up and down with a stern eye before speaking. "Skip the formalities, you both know why I'm here."

"Termination of a pilot's rescue mission is a military decision," the commander insisted.

"That's a bunch of crap. This isn't military, it's personal. Neither of you can let go of Kara Thrace because she's your last link to Zak."

Lee felt his gorge rise. "You don't know anything about my brother."

The president shook her head. "Don't even begin, Captain." She turned to his father. "You've both lost perspective. Under normal circumstances it would just be sad that the two of you can't come to terms with Zak's death. In this situation, you're putting your pilots at risk and you're exposing the entire fleet to possible attack every moment we stay here."

"We're always at risk of an attack," Bill growled. "Starbuck put her life on the line to protect this fleet and we are not leaving her behind."

"Madam President," Lee stepped in. "Did you know she has a little boy? He's five years old. I'd hate to have to tell him we didn't do everything we could to find his mother after she risked her life for us."

Roslin looked at him speculatively. "I sympathise, Captain, I really do, but he isn't the first child orphaned by this war and sadly he won't be the last."

Lee felt the gorge rise in his throat. "How can you say that?"

She turned to Tigh, who stood to attention behind her, for support. "Colonel Tigh, how much aviation fuel has been expended in this operation?"

"Forty three percent of reserves," Tigh supplied.

"Almost half." Roslin looked from Lee to his father and then back again. "That's unacceptable. And operations in the moon's atmosphere have put one third of your fighters out of action. That is also completely unacceptable."

The commander bristled. "Crap unacceptable. Whatever it is you feel about this, the recovery of one pilot is a military matter," he insisted.

Roslin closed her eyes and sighed. "All right... it's military, fine. But if the two of you can't bring yourself to consider the 45,000 souls in this fleet whose lives you are putting at risk, how about just one? One little boy. Five years old, you said. You're risking his life, too. Do you really think Lieutenant Thrace would want that?"

Lee opened his mouth and closed it again. She wouldn't. He glanced over at his father and saw he had come to the same realisation.

"Clear your heads," Roslin ordered. She left the room and Tigh followed her.

Lee met his father's eyes again and knew they had to accept the inevitable. He thought about the little boy who didn't know he was about to lose the only parent he'd ever known and felt sick. Would it have made a difference if he'd confessed? Would they have searched harder, or resisted the inevitable for longer?

Adama called the Vipers back and told the fleet to prepare to jump away. Lee handed him the phone and felt like a traitor. His promise to his son was broken already.

"Sir, what about…" Lee choked up. "What about Sebastian?"

Adama sighed heavily. "We owe it to Kara to make sure he is well taken care of. We'll find a place for him in the civilian fleet. I think that's what Kara would want."

"Do you really think it's a good idea to uproot him from everything he knows right now?" Lee protested.

"Honestly?" he asked. "Every instinct I have is telling me to keep him close. But we have to think of what's best for Sebastian and he'll be safer and happier with the civilians." Adama put a hand on his shoulder, "I'll miss him too, but we will stay in touch. A battlestar is no place for a child."

A bitterness Lee couldn't explain rose in his throat. "You clearly thought it was a good place for him _yesterday_."

Adama looked at him sadly, "Yesterday he had a parent living aboard."

_He still does, _Lee thought. All it would take would be a blood test to establish that Sebastian was his son and then legally he could claim custodial rights. He couldn't help but wonder if it were the best thing, though. Perhaps the commander was right and he'd be better off with a civilian family?

"Dad," he said suddenly. "If all this had happened twenty years ago when Zak and I were kids would you have sent us away?"

His father looked pained at the question. "How can you ask me that?" he asked. "You're my son, and you'd be with me no matter what. Zak too."

Lee's throat felt thick with emotion and he didn't know what to say. His father saved them both the embarrassment by turning away.

"You'd better report to the hangar deck and see to your birds, Captain," he ordered without looking at him.

Lee swallowed to clear his throat a little. "Yes sir," he acknowledged, with none of his usual resentment. He saluted, despite the fact that his father still did not turn to look at him, and left the room quietly.

He had a lot to think about.

~ * ~

Lee had almost reached the hangar deck when action stations were called. He zipped up his flightsuit and ran for the nearest Viper.

"Most of the birds are refuelling sir," the Chief informed him, helping Lee to secure his helmet quickly. "It's just you and Hotdog."

"We'll manage," Lee assured him, securing his canopy and checking his panel as they got him into the tube.

A few seconds after Lee launched, Hotdog's frustrated voice came over the comm. His bird was jammed in the tube and he had to abort launch.

"I guess I'm going in solo," Lee muttered to himself. Dee had reported only one contact but that was no assurance—where there was one raider, there were plenty more to follow. Likely this was a scout; it could well herald the arrival of a Basestar or two. Lee needed to take it out quickly so the fleet could jump away to safety.

"Galactica, Apollo," he reported. "Target in sight." He lined up his shot and squeezed the trigger. _That's for Kara, you frakker._

Inexplicably, the raider seemed to sense its peril and danced away at the last second, avoiding his fire. It continued heading towards Galactica.

Lee kept firing but the raider was quicker than any he'd seen. "Hold still, you little bastard," he muttered. Finally one of his shots grazed the Cylon's wing. It dodged again then suddenly dropped back beneath his bird and disappeared.

Lee was sure he hadn't taken it out, so where was it? "I've lost him," he reported. "Galactica, I repeat: he is nowhere to be seen."

He continued to manoeuvre wildly, hoping it would prevent the raider from gaining a clear shot at him. Then he looked up and felt a chill down the back of his neck. The raider was flying directly above him, matching his course and speed. "Galactica," he reported, "The Cylon is now flying in formation with me, right above my head."

Lee ignored the gasps of surprise from the CIC and kept his eyes on the raider. "This thing is acting weird," he muttered to himself. Likely it was trying to take him by surprise—when it decided to make its move he would only have a second to react. As he watched, the raider drew upwards away from him and he flexed his fingers on the stick.

The raider suddenly flipped one-eighty degrees and Lee's mouth dropped open in shock as he registered the letters taped beneath the wing.

A whoop of triumph forced its way from his throat before he could stop it. "It's Starbuck!"

"What!?" his father's voice was incredulous. "Come again, Apollo."

Lee forced himself to slow down and speak clearly. "Galactica, the raider is marked Starbuck. It's written under the frakking wing!"

The next few minutes passed in a blur of relief, despite his father's admonition of caution. The raider continued dancing around him and the showboating more than anything else convinced him it was her. She dipped her wings and he returned the salute, following her into the landing bay.

~ * ~


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: I have had this written and posted on LJ for ages and forgot to upload it here! Sorry for the delay. Again. Many thanks as always to my wonderful betas Cliosmuse, Tracyj23, Rayruz and Uberscribbler - this would never have been finished without you! As always, any mistakes remaining are mine alone. (p.s. No this is not abandoned, yes I am working on chapter 8, slow as I am. :D)**_

**Chapter 7**

When Kara brought the Raider into the hangar bay, she was met by both a medical team and a squad of marines pointing guns at her. She was glad to see the commander was hedging his bets.

She wriggled free of the Raider and landed on the deck, her knee instantly giving way and causing her to fall in an undignified heap. Ungraceful as the entrance was, it did convince the marines she was no threat—they holstered their weapons and stood aside for the medics to help her onto a stretcher.

There was a small commotion off to her left and she turned her head to see Lee pushing through the onlookers to get to her. Had to be him in that Viper, didn't it? Nobody else could have got close enough to ding her. Still, maybe someone else would not have recognised her at all. She owed him her life. Bastard.

Absurdly, just seeing him made her feel safe.

"Hey Kara," he greeted her quietly. "Glad you made it back." He tossed his gloves from one hand to the other looking a little unsure of himself—that look in his eyes was the same one Seb got when he thought he was in trouble.

Frak. Seb. She grabbed Lee's arm, panicked. "Seb? Is he...?"

"He's fine," Lee assured her. "He's at school. I'll bring him to sickbay to see you when the Raptor gets in." Then he wrinkled his nose. "Maybe after you've been disinfected," he remarked.

She loosened her grip, reassured. The morpha started to kick in and she giggled. "Wanna give me a bath?"

* * *

Kara opened her eyes to find the commander sitting by her bed.

"How you feeling, Kara?" he asked.

"I've had a hell of a lot worse," she admitted. "They don't have any ambrosia but the doc can fix you up with some really nice stuff. How's my son?"

"Lee says he's fine. He went to meet the Raptor then they're both going to come by and see how you're doing. "

Kara frowned. Lee was taking care of Seb? She wasn't sure she liked that idea at all.

"Kara." The commander's voice brought Kara's attention back to the present.

"Yeah?"

"You did good. You did real good. Need anything?"

Kara felt a lump rise in her throat. Damn, she didn't deserve his concern—she was still lying to him. A lie of omission was a lie nevertheless. "A stogie would be nice," she croaked, only half joking.

He smiled, "I had a feeling," he chuckled, pulling a small tube from his pocket and placing it in her hand. "It's my last one," he admitted, "So enjoy."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Get some rest." He leaned in to kiss her lightly on the forehead, and she swallowed past the lump in her throat.

* * *

"Mama, you're back!"

Kara blinked, realising she'd been dozing off again and smiled at Seb who had just burst through her privacy curtain. "Hey, kiddo." She held out her arms.

Seb crawled onto the bed beside her, buried his head in her shoulder and burst into tears. "I thought you weren't coming back!"

"Hey," she soothed, stroking his hair. "It's okay. I'm back now. I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?" he sniffled.

"Yeah, honey." Kara wiped his tears with her hand and gathered him close again. "Not while I have anything to say about it."

The sound of a throat being cleared made her jump and Kara realised too late that of course Seb hadn't got from the hangar deck to sickbay by himself. Lee stood nervously by the foot of her bed.

Part of Kara wanted to believe he really was trying to make amends. That if the worst had happened down on that moon, he would have stepped up and taken care of her son. _ Their_ son. But she'd trusted him once before—and she had to remind herself not to do it again. _Don't let him get close again it'll only end the same way._

"Captain," she greeted him, struggling for formality.

"Kara," he replied. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged warily. "I'll do."

"That's good." He looked at his hands, seeming unsure what else to say. "Seb was pretty worried about you while you were gone," he observed.

"So I see." She was suddenly annoyed at him. He should have been able to come with some reason to explain her sudden absence to Seb but obviously he had not.

Lee seemed unsure what else to say until he spotted the cigar on her night table and bent to pick it up. "You still smoke these?" he asked. "I would have thought you'd have given them up after…" he trailed off, eyes darting to Seb guiltily, then away.

Kara narrowed her eyes, not appreciating where he was heading. "After what, Lee?"

Lee seemed to realise he'd backed himself into a corner and laughed nervously. "Well, uh, it doesn't set the best example, you know?"

Kara stared at him for a moment. Was he actually, _actually _daring to comment on _her_ parenting skills? He was frakking lucky she only had one working leg at the moment or she might have jumped out of bed and decked him. "I think we're done here, Captain," she told him tersely. "Could you find Boomer and ask her to come get Sebastian when she has a chance?"

When Lee had gone, Kara shook her son a little to get his attention. "Have you got homework, kiddo?" He nodded yes. "Pull it out then, let's have a look at it."

They'd gotten through Seb's reading book and were just starting on his sums when Boomer poked her head around the curtain. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"I've been better," Kara admitted. "Looks like I'll be stuck in here for a few days while this heals." She motioned to her knee.

Boomer took a seat by the bed. "Captain Adama said you wanted to see me?"

Kara nodded. "Yeah. Look, I know it's a lot to ask but do you think you could look after Seb for me until the Doc lets me out of here?

Boomer looked a little dubious. "I'm not sure I'm such a good choice at the moment," she admitted.

Kara looked a little closer at her friend. "You okay, Sharon?" she asked.

"Yeah, of course," Boomer answered quickly.

A little too quickly, Kara thought. "You seem a bit... preoccupied," she observed.

"We're all flying double and triple shifts at the moment since we're so low on pilots," Sharon explained. "I guess I'm just tired."

Kara frowned. Looking after someone else's kid 24/7 _was_ a little much to ask, even for someone who _wasn't_ a pilot in the middle of a war. "You're right, I'm sorry," she apologised. "I can ask one of his classmates' parents if they'll watch him for a few days. I'm sure they'll be okay with it. Would you like that, kiddo? You can sleepover with Tommy."

Seb shook his head. "I wanna stay with you" he insisted.

Kara ruffled his hair a little. "I know, kiddo," she reassured him. "It'll only be a few days."

He shook his head again, wordlessly clinging to her as he had done earlier. _He must have been really spooked,_ she thought. _Damn Lee for letting him know I was missing!_

"How about Captain Adama?" Boomer asked as if she'd read Kara's mind.

Kara forced herself to laugh. "Yeah, right. I don't think the CAG would appreciate the suggestion," she observed.

Sharon raised an eyebrow. "Really? I thought he would be the perfect choice. Considering."

Kara's blood ran cold. She swallowed carefully and pretended to look confused. "Considering what?"

Sharon sat back in her chair. "Seb?" she asked sweetly, "What did you tell me your middle name was again? I forgot."

Seb's reply was muffled but Sharon's implication was clear nonetheless.

Kara stroked her son's head, surreptitiously covering his ear, and lowered her voice. "Have you mentioned this to anyone?" she asked her friend.

Sharon shook her head, frowning. "He does _know_, doesn't he?"

Kara scoffed. "Of course he knows! He's known since day one and he didn't want anything to do with it."

"Maybe he's changed his mind."

"This is not the kind of situation where you can change your mind. What's done is done."

Sharon shrugged and stood. "All right, I'll watch the rugrat while you're laid up. Happy?"

"Thanks Sharon."

"I'll let you get some rest. But just remember, you owe me!"

"Yeah, yeah," Kara acknowledged. "And make sure he brushes his teeth before bed!"

Boomer laughed. "Look at you-you're such a mom now!" she teased.

Kara made a face at her then turned serious. "Take care of him," she said softly.

"I will," Sharon promised, gently tugging at Seb's arm. "Hey kiddo, let's give your mother a chance to get some rest now, huh?"

Seb looked dubious, unwilling to let his mother out of his sight now that he had her back.

Kara pulled him close for one last hug. "It's okay, honey," she said. "I'll still be here in the morning, I promise. Where am I going to go with only one leg?"

The ghost of a smile suffused his face and widened a little more when she laid a lipsmacking kiss on his cheek.

* * *

Days later, Kara awoke to screams of agony. She pulled herself to a sitting position and watched as several beds were wheeled in. The patients all had visible burns; the worst of them so bad the man underneath was barely recognizable.

Cottle and his medical team were clearly too busy with the wounded to answer her questions for the moment so she carefully swung her body around. If she could just get to a phone she could call the school and make sure Seb was okay.

"Kara, what do you think you're doing?"

She jumped. She hadn't seen Lee come in or heard him approach her bed. "What the frak happened? Were we attacked? Where's my son?" she asked.

"Steady." He caught her arms. "Seb's on the Rising Star, at school. I put him on the raptor this morning myself. He's safe, I promise."

Kara let out a breath in relief and realised she was hanging on to Lee's arm. Embarrassed, she let go. "What happened?" she asked again.

"Get back into bed and I'll tell you."

Kara debated refusing for a moment but she knew her knee wasn't up to taking any weight. Falling on her ass would be more humiliating at this point than giving in so she began to manoeuvre herself back into bed. Lee put a hand out to help her but she slapped it away.

"Hey, take it easy, you'll hurt yourself," he soothed. Kara fixed him with a glare and he sighed. "There was a bomb, okay? One of the other ships docked with Galactica to let some civvies aboard. One of them got into the small arms locker somehow and strapped himself with explosives."

Kara looked at him aghast. "How did a civvie get into a military arms locker?" she asked.

"We're not sure. There'll be an investigation." He bit his lip and looked away.

Kara looked at him suspiciously. "What is it you're not telling me?" she asked.

"Nothing," he protested, far too quickly. He must have realised she saw right through him because he added, "I can't tell you any more. I'm sorry."

Kara hugged herself, suppressing the urge to go get her son and take him away somewhere safe. Unfortunately, there really was nowhere safe anymore. She realised Lee was still standing over her and frowned. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Just making sure you're okay," he shrugged.

"I'm okay," she growled. "So you can go now."

"Kara—" he began, but she cut him off.

"No, Lee. Don't say you're sorry or we need to talk. It's too frakking late and I'm not in the mood. Just go away, would you?"

He looked at her for a moment and she thought he would argue but instead he sighed and his shoulders slumped a little. "Okay, I'll go," he agreed. "I _am_ sorry though," he added softly. And he turned and walked out before she could reply.

* * *

_**Five Years Ago**_

_It took the letter about eight months to find her. He'd sent it to her mother's address and from there it had been collected by the real estate agent and forwarded to her post office box. A post office box she only checked a couple of times a year, if that. It was dated just over a year after the last time she'd seen him, presumably sent shortly after he returned from his deep space mission._

_She let it sit in a drawer for another month before she could bring herself to open it. _

_**Kara,**__ (it read)_

_**I don't know if this letter will ever find you. I looked for you right up until I shipped out but you obviously didn't want to be found. I know Dad has looked for you, too. **_

_**I want to tell you I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. I let things go too far and I never meant to hurt you. I know that doesn't excuse what I said but I hope you believe me when I say I have wanted to take it back since the moment after I said it. **_

_**Call me. Please. Tell me you hate me; tell me never to speak to you again, anything you like. Just let me know you're okay.**_

_**Lee.**_

_She read it over twice, not sure how to feel. She was surprised to find her anger had cooled to a smouldering sort of ember, while the crazed need she had felt since he had so completely forgiven her role in Zak's death was gone for good. Had she really moved on so completely?_

_So. She didn't hate him then, but neither did she feel the inclination to ease his guilt. She dropped the letter on the counter and went to check on Seb._

_She watched him sleep for a few minutes, considering. He didn't look a whole lot like Lee but the resemblances were there if you knew what to look for. Seb mostly took after his father in temperament which, as Kara had to admit, was a good thing. While Lee could be a moody prick when he wanted to be, he was generally even tempered—unlike herself._

_Maybe he truly __**was**__ sorry. _

_Kara had worried what she would tell her son when he was old enough to notice he didn't have a father like other kids. She knew what it felt like to be an unwanted child and she intended to shield Seb from that ugly truth for as long as she could. She'd always told herself she could love him enough for two parents._

_If there was a chance Lee would step up, though... Reluctantly, she turned on the comm to put through an interplanetary call to Caprica. If nothing else, Seb deserved the chance to know his father and Lee should know he had a son. If he chose to reject her again she was prepared and Seb was too young to remember. _

_There was a click as the call connected and then a face filled the screen. "Hello?"_

_It wasn't Lee. "Oh," Kara said, flustered. I must have the wrong number. I was looking for Lee Adama."_

_The blonde woman smiled at her warmly. "Oh, this is the right number. He's in the shower right now, sorry. Can I get him to call you back?"_

_Kara was painfully aware of her roughly gathered ponytail and the stain on her shirt where Sebastian had flung some of his breakfast at her. Worse than that, the presence of a beautiful woman in Lee's flat was rather making her realise she hadn't moved on as much as she had thought._

_Though it seemed __**he**__ had._

_Kara shook her head. "No, never mind." She broke the connection and the screen went blank._

_Frak him. She didn't need him and neither did Seb._

_

* * *

_Kara was really starting to regret giving in and coming to Galactica. Lee was frakking _everywhere_ and now she was laid up in sickbay she couldn't even get away from him. And for some reason, he seemed to be in sickbay a lot.

She had been recovering well from the operation on her knee so it was less than a week after the bombing that Cottle suggested she try to walk with the aid of crutches. Or rather, as he put it, "get off your fat ass and outta my sickbay." Kara huffed, since her "ass" was not remotely fat, but she wanted out of sickbay for reasons of her own so she agreed to try.

She didn't understand what the frak Lee was doing there, handing her the crutches with a goofy grin on his face, however. He just kept turning up like a bad smell. "Your crutches of death, sir," he quipped. "Use them wisely."

Kara shot him a withering glare. "Shut up."

Sebastian giggled and she gave him a Look which did absolutely nothing to quell him.

"It's gonna hurt like hell," Cottle added helpfully, "But it's supposed to."

Kara got the crutches settled under her arms and tried putting some weight on her good leg. She felt a little wobbly but tried taking a few steps anyway, wincing as her bad knee was jogged by the motion and sent a shooting pain up her leg.

"No pain no gain," Lee said. She was definitely going to smack him with one of her crutches in a minute—she didn't even care that Seb was watching.

Another step and her good leg twinged just a bit too much for her liking. "I can't," she said.

"Yes you can, you just did it!" Lee protested.

Kara ignored him pointedly as she manoeuvred herself back onto the bed.

"You're not going to get better lying on your back." Seemed Doc Cottle was also aiming to be brained by a crutch.

"Just take a break for five minutes, we'll try again," Lee soothed. Frakking bastard wouldn't quit. And what the frak was all this _we_ stuff anyway?

"I don't _want_ to do it again." She glared at all three of them but saved her nastiest one for Lee. He just didn't seem to be getting the 'go away' message.

"Okay, but we're weaning you off the magic pills starting today," Cottle growled.

"You son of a bitch," Kara muttered.

The doctor shrugged, unfazed, and wandered off to light one of his ever-present cigarettes.

Lee helped her back onto the hospital bed, ignoring her attempts to slap his hands away. She couldn't tell him what she thought of his newfound solicitude in front of Seb and the bastard knew it. Instead, she fixed him with a glare. "What are you doing here, Lee?"

He took a step back, shrugging. "Boomer's on CAP for another half hour. She asked me if I'd pick Sebastian up and bring him to you until she's done. And so I did."

"So you did," Kara echoed, making a face. "Why are you _still_ here?"

"I heard the doc was going to try to get you on your feet today and I thought maybe you could use some moral support."

"Weren't you listening the other day, Lee?" she snapped. "It's too late for that."

His eyes hardened a little at her rebuke. "How about this then, Kara? Your son needs you. He wants to be staying in his own quarters with his mom, not bouncing around the pilots' rec room under Boomer's supervision and spending the nights on my couch."

Bullseye. "What?" Kara looked from Lee's smug expression to Seb's guilty one and barely managed to keep her temper in check. "Honey," she said to her son, "Could you go see the nurse for me and ask if I can have a glass of water?"

"Okay Mama." Seb was only too happy to take himself out of the firing line for a few minutes.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Kara hissed. "_Your_ couch? I asked Boomer to look after him."

Lee shrugged. "She does, for the most part. But she doesn't have private quarters, and I didn't think it'd be a good idea for him to sleep in the bunkroom. You know what pilots are like."

"_You _didn't think...?" Kara would have slapped him if it wouldn't have required shifting her sore knee again. "You have no right to think anything! I swear to the gods Lee, if you don't stay away from us I will go to your dad and tell him everything. Everything."

"Kara, I can only say sorry so many times."

"Some frakups can't be fixed," she countered

His shoulders slumped in defeat. "Okay I'll go, but just one question—you almost died, Kara. If you hadn't made it back, who would take care of him? That is, if I am so unfit?"

She bit her lip and looked away as Lee kept his promise and left.

When Seb returned a minute later with a glass of water and a wary look on his face, Kara fixed him with a stern look. "Come sit down," she ordered, patting the bed in front of her.

He carefully placed the glass on the bedside table and did as she asked. "Am I in trouble, Mama?" her asked in a small voice.

Kara tucked a stray bit of hair behind his ears. It was getting a bit shaggy and she'd have to cut it soon. "No honey, but I'd like to know why you didn't mention you had been staying in Captain Adama's quarters?"

Seb looked down at his lap and shrugged. "I don't know."

"Did he tell you not to say anything?"

Seb shook his head then explained softly, "I thought you might get mad because you don't like him."

Kara bit her lip. He'd hit the nail on the head. "And you _do_ like him?" she asked carefully.

Seb nodded guiltily. "He looked after me when you were gone. And he promised he would bring you back. And he did!"

Kara frowned. Seemed Seb was already forming a bit of a hero-worship fixation on Lee, which was exactly what she'd been afraid of. Lee had failed them miserably once; there were no guarantees it wouldn't happen again. She knew she needed to nip this in the bud but somehow she couldn't bring herself to badmouth Lee to his son.

She settled for the next best thing. "I want you to promise me you won't go anywhere with Captain Adama unless you check with me first. Understand?"

Her son frowned. "But why?"

"Because I said so," she ordered. She softened her voice. "Promise?"

He didn't look thrilled but he nodded readily enough. "Okay, Mama."

Kara smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Now hand me those crutches and we'll have another go now Doctor Grouch and Captain Busybody have gone."

He grinned and did as she asked.


End file.
